INFORMATION IS WEALTH

MY DEAR GRANDMOTHER

2011-10-11T09:15:00.000-03:00

The greatest person on earth since Bhisma acharya... has now fulfilled her mission on earth. With children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and great-great grandchildren... she was the complete essence of an Indian grandmother, and some more. A strong woman who was a source of inspiration to many, she will be missed by all.

Janaki Bai (aka) Bhoomi: 28 November 1915 - 11 October 2011

EXCEL at EXCEL

2011-10-11T08:52:00.001-03:00

Now if you think software are foolproof, you need to think again. For example, open Calculator (if you are using Windows) and do the following:

1. Press 4 and then square root.
2. You will see "2". Now, subtract 2. What do you see? Zero?

This is just one of the many examples of the "flaws" in various software programs. This post is dedicated to the seemingly flawless spreadsheet software, EXCEL.

Just take this SURVEY and see for yourself the hidden flaws and other error-prone operations in Excel. By the time you finish it, you would recognize some of the sources of common errors and some methods to rectify it.

You will be quite surprised by the flaws inherent in the programming of a software, and how it could affect your operations.

UPDATE:

My work deals with large amount of statistical data on a daily basis. We use MS Excel for our computations and calculations. There are no programmers working in our company who could create fancy macros to deal with errors. Neither could I do it myself since I am not a programmer. Hence, it was important to find out how my co-workers identified errors on a spreadsheet and how they were able to improve at identifying errors once they were introduced to the error checking options that came with MS Excel.

The Survey (see link above) itself consisted of 10 exercises aimed at finding out how my co-workers and others identified errors in a spreadsheet. They were presented with scenarios which emphasized on identifying errors without any error checking tools, with the help of MS Excel error checking tools and also with extra error checking tools and their performance was recorded for each of these three scenarios. One of the exercises also contained designing a Macro with an implicit error and identifying/rectifying the error. In an effort to find out if they were comfortable with including error detection codes, they were also presented with a scenario where they had to include a single line of code to prevent MS Excel's precision errors.

Here's what I found from the survey:

1. None of the participants could identify all the errors in the sheet without the help of error checking tools
2. Participants were able to identify few errors but not all when presented with in-built error checking tools
3. 95% of the participants preferred using such tools once they became aware of their existence.
4. Column and row total comparison helped the participants identify all the errors on the sheet.
5. 98% of the participants said that they would use this option if available.
6. Participants could identify something missing in the macro exercise but they were not good at rectifying the error.
7. Majority of the participants were not willing to include lines of codes in their sheets to identify errors.

In conclusion, the results indicate the incompetence of people in finding errors on a spreadsheet that consists of statistical data and its computations. MS Excel provides error checking tools that do not suffice this need. They are rather tools to show arrows and markers on the sheets that illustrates the relationship between data cells and formula cells. Hence there is need for introducing more tools that assist people in finding errors on a spreadsheet involving huge amounts of statistical data.

Its really amazing, in my opinion MS Office is like an ocean- you will never find its end.

GUESS WHO'S BACK

2011-10-07T17:39:00.011-03:00

...Just as the great man said. Thanks to my buddies for reminding me of this blog. More posts coming in the days ahead...

AMERICAN SPELLINGS

2010-04-21T16:59:00.010-03:00

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S, spells out the US pop artist Fergie in her hit number- a way to assert everybody that's how its spelt. More and more non-Americans are now using spellings like COLOR for COLOUR, ALUMINUM for ALUMINIUM, VIGOR for VIGOUR, CENTER for CENTRE, TRAVELER for TRAVELLER, etc. and pronounce "Z" as "ZEE", instead of "ZED". Americans reading this would not even understand what the fuss is about!

American English spellings are distinctly different than the rest of the world. It wasn't until late 18th century that this change came about in America. People from different parts of the world tend to have their own accents and meanings to words, which is understandable as migration and demographics make language to evolve constantly. The varied differences in Aussie English, British English, American English, South African English stand testimony to it. However, the spellings were the same across the globe. Surprisingly in America, it was just the effort of a certain Noah Webster which brought about drastic changes in the American English spellings.

Disillusioned with the schooling system in the 1780s where students studied from British books, Noah Webster thought that drastic reforms was necessary to impart education and to enhance the learning process. Perhaps the first patron of Americanization, he argued that Americans should learn from American books, which would be significantly different from the British. He believed that English language was too aristocratic in nature, and mired in pedantry. The common man should control the language, instead of royals.

He wrote a three volume compendium "A Grammatical Institute of the English Language", with the "Speller" being the first part. The Speller became very popular and it was the first ever published book in America. It taught students to read, write and to properly pronounce English words. It became the sole authority for English grammar and learning in America. It also popularized contests like SPELLING BEE, which is in vogue even today. In this book he also detailed the "Americanized" spellings for words. Words like Metre became Meter, Jeweller became Jeweler, Odour became Odor...

His dictionary also included 12,000 new English words unknown to the world. He hoped to standardize the English language in America. His idea was simple- English spellings are unnecessarily complex, and needs to be reformed. His dictionary contained all the Americanized spellings, and it has stayed on ever since in the US. What's more, its now catching up all over the world.

If Webster was the pioneer who brought about major reforms in English spellings to America, then today Bill Gates and Microsoft are bringing about this change to the whole world. How? A vast majority of word processing software used today is Microsoft Word, where the default language is US English. So every time we type in a non-US spelling, it highlights it as an error. Lazy that we are, we accept the American spellings instead of changing the MS-Word dictionary to UK English or some other English. Almost all the documents typed today are either done on Microsoft word, or other software which ALSO has the default language as US English. So in effect, the whole world is slowly evolving into using American terms and spellings for our day to day dealings. While the change may not be that evident, it surely is taking place albeit slowly. As long as people continue to use word processors for their documents and reports, this trend is unlikely to change.

There will be a day when words like THOU, CANST, THY etc. will be obsolete- even for poetry. The whole world is being Americanized!

Copyright: http://www.flickr.com/photos/nostri-imago/ / CC BY 2.0

CENSUS OF INDIA

2010-04-01T17:47:00.009-03:00

India begins the largest ever democratic exercise in the world. About 2.5 million census-takers (mostly school teachers and government employees) began traveling across more than 630,000 villages and 5,000 cities in India to perform the task of counting India's population. The Registrar and Census commission of India holds census every 10 years (this is the 15th census of India) and provides vital information essential for future planning and administration of India.

For the first time ever, the census will include photograph and fingerprints of every individual. Also included in this census is the availability of drinking water, toilets, electricity, internet, bank and mobile phone usage, and the type of building material for houses. The painstaking task, spread over 11 months from today will also include beggars, homeless people, and people without proper residences- in a nutshell, it is promised to be a comprehensive picture of the myriad hues of life that is India.

Since finger-printing and photography will be taken into account too, a new system of creating a national identity card each with a unique identification number will be done. This would be the one single source of verifying the identity of a person. While this is common in developed countries, it is a very huge step in reducing the bureaucratic procedures for establishing one's identity in India. Presently, a mix of birth certificates, ration card, driver's license, credit card, PAN card, Tehsildar's letter, VAO's approval etc. are used in a garbled chaotic fashion, replete with bribes and red-tapism- all used to establish one's identity. A single identification number streamlines the process and would become the single most authoritative source to identify an Indian. The benefits of this are enormous, especially in India- this database can be used for policing purposes, medical purposes, administrative purposes, employment and taxation purposes, legal purposes, etc.

A lot of Indians are hopeful and positively optimistic of the whole process, including myself. However, provision should be made for non-resident Indians who constitute a significant chunk of the great Indian population mass of about 1.2 billion.

On a different note, today is the All fool's day. An earlier article on my blog about this day can be found here. Talking about fools, George Bernard Shaw was supposed to have said, "Cricket is a game played by 11 fools and watched by 11,000 fools". If he were alive today, the joke's on him as cricket is fast emerging as the most popular game in the world, second only to soccer. There, you can include it in the Indian census too- games people play/love.

Picture copyright: tinykingdom.com

TWO HUNDRED CHEERS FOR TENDULKAR

2010-02-24T10:20:00.014-04:00

Thomas Jefferson asserted in the United States declaration of Independence, "All men are created equal..." Had he seen a certain Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar, he would realize how flawed his assumption was. All men are not equal. When you put Tendulkar in the equation, everything else becomes irrelevant. How many times have we sat down to express our gratitude to the little master? How many times did we have the "WOW" moment? How many times have we praised, adored, respected, prayed, idolized, loved, and cherished this diminutive Mumbaikar? And how many times more again? All those times, mere words were inadequate to express our emotions. And today, when Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar scored the highest individual score ever (200*) in a One Day International cricket match against South Africa, all the adjectives in the English language woefully fall short of capturing the moment.

He is a superman. A superstar. A superhero. That he would receive the Bharat Ratna some day is indubitable, and we are not even talking about that. He epitomizes the sum total of all of India's rise and fall for the past two decades. And some more. It is impossible to fathom this man's effect on the nation's psyche. And non-Indians would never truly understand what this man means to the billions.

Stock markets, shares and investments surge whenever he is in his elements- a feel good factor would inevitably descend upon Indians. A source of inspiration for millions, he is a citizen nonpareil. The aura around him is incredible and it rubs off onto others as we look up to him. No other person can influence India today as much as he does- and how does he do it? A man of few words to say the least, he has let his actions do all the talking, and how! He is the modern day Karma yogi, the perfect ambassador for anything Indian, be it ancient or modern. One could probably write a doctoral thesis on how he captivates the masses, the "Tendulkar effect".

Rewind 22 years back. On February 24th 1988 Sachin Tendulkar and Vinod Kambli amassed 664 runs in a world record stand, piling up agony on St. Xavier School. Exactly 22 years later, Sachin Tendulkar becomes the first man to score a double century in One Day Internationals. It would be just plain fanciful to associate record breaking events with the date (24th February). The 200 barrier was crossed nearly after 4 decades of one-day cricket. It was apt that Sachin Tendukar was the one destined to reach 200 runs first. People clamour for breathtaking performances from him over and over again, which he duly obliges everytime quite remarkably... but for me, I am just happy to see him.

"I would like to dedicate this to the people of India who have always stood behind me for these 20 years amid the ups and downs..."

I am so proud today that I belong to the same era and same country as Sachin Tendulkar! At this juncture, I am reminded of a popular Hindi film dialogue from the movie DON: Don ko pakadna mushkil hi nahin... na mumkin hai (It is not 'difficult' to catch the DON, it is just 'impossible').

Picture copyrights: Associated Press (both pictures)

AAJA NACHLE

2010-02-18T19:41:00.006-04:00

Indian dance parties are notorious. Unlike western cultures, Indians can dance boy with boy and girl with girl, or a bunch of boys or girls.. and its perfectly normal, without being sidelined as gay. In that regard, I happen to witness and take part in a few dances myself. Gregarious groups in dance clubs or parties make the most noise, and it doesn't have to be a proper dance in the first place. As long as you appear to gel with the group and gyrate your bodies, you are in.

Though not properly choreographed, dance groups in Indian parties and discos have a few common rules.

1. There is usually some guy who is the leader of the pack, who dictates the mood of the group and formulates the dance steps.

2. If you are dancing to a Punjabi number, invariable your hands will go up in the air followed by rhythmic jerks, while one leg is up in the air trying to keep pace with your arms. Locking legs with each other while doing the hand twists in the air and revolving around is a popular variation. Some popular person will make a late entry and barge into the crowd making a "brrruuuaaaaaaaahhhh" noise, his 15 seconds of fame. The Bhangra is so simple and famous that invariably every dance ends up with this.

3. If the song is not with Punjabi beats, then it is a free for all- the group tries to create some sort of collective movement in unison. Probably this works for a few seconds before someone breaks off.

4. For the typical south Indian song, some variation of the "dappanguthu" will be employed by everyone. Even if they are blissfully unaware of what it is, the tune of the song will subconsciously move their bodies in a controlled chaotic motion. To explain the steps, bring your right leg and right arm forward and bend down, and then arch back standing on your left leg, with your left arm close to your body... and repeat.

5. Booze creates more energy and aggression.

6. Private parties are dictated by a core group doing a jig while others circle around the group clapping hands and gyrating in random fashion.

7. There's always a better song to dance, and the DJ is always wrong.

8. If you are not making a scene, you are not dancing- and there will be loud hoots, requests and threats for the "meek" person to join the fun.

9. You should embrace everybody, even though drenched in sweat.

10. Someone will get hit amidst the frenetic body movements (apparently "unintentionally", to settle old feuds).

11. Popular songs HAVE to be danced with the SAME STEPS as seen in the song video. And you MUST sing as you dance.

In many ways, this is good for people who don't know to dance. They still can have the bragging rights of "being there, and dancing". After all, it is excellent workout and opportunity for social bonding, while having a good time at it.

DIRECT... DIL SE

2010-02-09T21:48:00.005-04:00

Its been quite a long time since I wrote an article here. I am restarting proceedings here with a short blog on matters of the heart. Come Sunday, a lot of emotions are going to be up in the air. Valentine's day is celebrated all over the world, as a day to express love to your beloved.

Valentine's day is celebrated to commemorate Valentine of Rome, or Valentine of Terni who were both persecuted and martyred. Their remains lie in state on the Via Flaminia (road). A third saint Valentine who was martyred in Africa is also a specious contention for the celebration of this day... however, there was no reference to love and sentiment during the times of these people (circa 300 AD). A story goes about how a certain saint Valentine performed "illegal" marriages against the king's decree forbidding marriage as it would make his soldiers weak. He was caught and executed, and his apparent last letter was to the hangman's daughter (whom he had miraculously cured of her blindness and fell in love), and it read: "From your Valentine".

The chivalrous knights and courtly love in the medieval era transformed this day completely into a lovers' day. In the late 19th century, greeting cards for "Valentine's day" took the country by storm and proved to be a harbinger of times to come.

Today, Valentine's day is extensively celebrated among intimate couples. Roses, chocolates and other gifts are exchanged on this day, and couples go on dates. This is also a day when the marriage proposal is made, usually by a man to his woman. So women and men, express love in all possible ways you know!

A pun-ny joke goes around in India thus:

Question: Why is November 14th celebrated as childrens' day?
Answer: Because February 14th is Valentine's day.

Photo copyright: aussiegall (from FLICKR)

REDRAWING INDIA'S MAPS

2009-12-13T18:27:00.013-04:00

The cunning strategy by the British to sow discord among Indians and divide them on communal and linguistic lines has far-reaching offshoots. True, in all its history, India was never one united country. Paradoxically enough, perhaps the only time when the whole of Bharat was united was during the height of the British Raj, when the current day India, Pakistan, Burma, Aden, Singapore, Nepal, Bhutan and Bangladesh were seen as one entity called BRITISH INDIA.

After Independence and the schism of Pakistan, the princely states and British-governed territories amalgamated into the Indian union. Between 1947 and 1950, due to the untiring efforts of two stalwarts, Sardar Vallabhai Patel and V. P. Menon, the mammoth process of unification of India took place. However, managing the British-era borders proved more than a handful as various factions dissented due to the lack of a common unifying factor within a region. This led to the States Reorganization Act of 1956, which was a major event in classification of India based on linguistic lines. Though many new regions came into Indian governance after 1956, the single largest changing of borders was done on 1st November 1956. The following table gives a chronological order of events leading to shaping up of India's map that is seen today.

TIME	EVENT
1757	Nawab of Bengal loses the battle of Plassey to the British East India company- BEI Company officially starts to control and govern India
1857	Large scale rebellion by the sepoys against the British East India Company; last Indian emperor (Mughal king, Bahadur Shah Zafar captured by the British)
1858	East India company dissolved as a result of the 1857 mutiny, complete power transferred over to the British crown, to the queen
1858	Policy of annexation of princely states formally announced. Several kingdoms were under the suzerainty of British crown; British protected them as allies, each with individual sovereignty to administer
1858	Aden, lower Burma and Singapore comes under British India,
1867	Singapore detached from Indian empire
1884	Somaliland comes under British India
1886	Upper Burma comes into British India
1898	Somaliland separated from India
1905	Bengal partitioned along communal lines into East and West Bengal
1935	Government of India act came into existence; Sindh province separated from Bombay
1937	Aden and Burma separated from India
14-15 August 1947	British India split into India, Pakistan and 568 princely states; British reneged on their support to the princely states, and ask them to join either India or Pakistan, or remain independent
27 October 1947	Kashmir accedes to India, hostilities erupt between India and Pakistan
January 1 1948	Numerous princes sign a merger to join India, into the state of Orissa, Bihar and Central provinces
1948	66 states included Baroda and Kohlapur merge into India, into Bombay. Numerous smaller states merge into Madras, East Punjab, West Bengal, Assam and United provinces. 30 princely states merge into Himachal Pradesh. 35 princely states join India and form Vindhya Pradesh
February 1948	Junagadh acceded to India after being acceded to Pakistan initially
17 September 1948	Hyderabad joins India after a hostile skirmish
28 May 1948	Madhya Bharat created from 25 princely states which acceded to India
15 July 1948	Patiala and East Punjab States Union was formed when 8 princely states join India
12 October 1948	Bilaspur joins India
31 December 1948	Hostilities end between India and Pakistan, 2/5 of Kashmir under Pakistan control, the rest comes under Indian rule. The border became known as “cease-fire line”, and later termed as “line of control”
30 March 1949	Several princely states join India in Rajputana
May 1 1949	Bhopal joins India
July 1 1949	Cochin and Travancore join India and form the state of Travancore-Cochin
9 September 1949	Tripura joins India
October 1949	Manipur joins India
1947-1950	Vast majority of princely states joins India
26 January 1950	India becomes a republic, constitution drafted
2 May 1950	Chandranagore changes hands from France to India
1 November 1954	de facto control of Yanam, Pondicherry, Karaikal and Mahe conceded by France to India
July 1954	Uprising in Dadra and Nagar Haveli throws off Portuguese rule
1 November 1956	Madhya Pradesh formed from the states of Vindhya Pradesh, Bhopal and Madhya Bharat
1 November 1956	Kutch, Vidarbha, Marathwada, Saurashtra joins Bombay state
1 November 1956	State of Mysore created from Coorg, Mysore and the kannada speaking regions of Hyderabad state; renamed Karnataka in 1973
1 November 1956	Telugu speaking areas of Andhra state, and Telengana region of Hyderabad state merges to form Andhra Pradesh
1 November 1956	Ajmer-Merwara joins Rajaputna, renamed into Rajasthan
1 November 1956	Formation of Assam, Jammu & Kashmir, West Bengal, Uttar Pradesh, Bihar
1 November 1956	Punjab formed by the merger of the Patiala and East Punjab States Union
1 November 1956	Malabar splits from Madras state, and southern Travancore joins Madras state; Madras renamed into Tamil Nadu in 1969
1 November 1956	7 union territories (Manipur, Tripura, Pondicherry, Lakshadweep, Himachal Pradesh, Delhi and Andaman & Nicobar islands) formed
1 November 1956	Kerala formed from Malabar, and Travancore-Cochin state
1 May 1960	Bombay state partitioned into Maharashtra and Gujarat
19 December 1961	Portuguese surrender to Indian army; Goa, Daman and Diu merge with India
21 November 1962	Sino-Indian war ends, Aksar Chin region of Kashmir comes under Chinese control, with a de facto line of actual control separating Indian and Chinese rule
1 December 1963	Nagaland made into a separate state
1 November 1966	Haryana formed; northern districts of Punjab transferred to Himachal Pradesh
25 January 1971	Statehood conferred upon Himachal Pradesh
21 January 1972	Manipur, Meghalaya and Tripura become states of India
16 May 1975	Sikkim merges with India; becomes a separate state
20 February 1987	Arunachal Pradesh and Mizoram gains statehood
30 May 1987	Goa becomes a state of India, Daman and Diu become union territories
1 November 2000	16 districts of Madhya Pradesh form a separate state, Chhattisgarh
9 November 2000	Uttaranchal formed out of Uttar Pradesh, renamed Uttarakhand in January 2007
15 November 2000	Jharkhand formed out of Bihar

Following this, new divisions are in the offing. On 9th December 2009, the Indian Home Minister Mr. P. Chidambaram, set the idea of a separate statehood for Telengana in motion. Though Telugu speaking, it is common knowledge that this region is generally backward compared to the other regions in Andhra Pradesh. Even when the states were being reorganized in 1956, a separate statehood for Telengana was proposed- but ultimately rejected. Ever since, the movement has been active, and finally borne some results now.

While politicians and the common man are divided in their views over Telengana, it did create the impetus for other dissenting factions to raise their voices. For instance, several other groups have called for separate statehood. After Telengana's successful struggle, people have been calling for the separate states of Purvanchal (from Uttar Pradesh), Mithilanchal (from Bihar), Gorkhaland (from Assam and West Bengal), Vidarbha (From Maharashtra), and Tulu Nadu (from coastal Karnataka).

Recently, Mr. Chidambaram also had talks with Hurriyat leaders in Kashmir to negotiate with the separatists. If Mr. Chidambaram is following a policy of appeasement to pacify factions to avoid conflicts, he better have a strategy in place for other similar proposed schisms. Not everybody can be entertained, can they?

26/11 - LEST WE FORGET

2009-11-25T17:16:00.010-04:00

Ten brainwashed zealots from Pakistan stormed Mumbai exactly an year ago and the carnage and horror that followed was unprecedented. 60 hours, live on the screen- all our senses numbed. One year later today, many valiant martyrs are remembered for their courageous acts. This article will be a tribute to a relatively unknown gem, Shri Tukaram Gopal Ombale, the brave ASI who caught the lone surviving gunman, Mohammed Ajmal Kasab.

Ombale was a true hero in all sense of the word. On the night of Nov 26/27 2008, 20 policemen from the DB Marg police station had set up a "naka bandi" (barricade) on Girgaum Chowpatti. They had received the message that terrorists had just wrecked havoc in CST, and are on their way towards Marine Drive, driving a hijacked Skoda car. Of the policemen, just two had Self Loading Rifles (SLR) and the same two men had bullet-proof vests. The rest were just armed with a lathi (baton), and some of them were in plainclothes. What follows next is right out of a heroic bollywood movie script.

Tukaram Ombale was giving chase to the car on his motorbike after he saw the Skoda car whiz past him. At around 12:45 AM, the skoda car sped towards the barricades and screeched to a halt some 50 feet away. Ombale with his motorbike tried to block the car from the left. On the front of the car were the barricades. Suddenly the lights and wipers were turned on and the car tried to make a U-turn from the right, but instead hit the road divider. All the while, two terrorists were firing heavily from the car (nearly 100 spent shells were recovered from the site). The police responded and gunned down Ismail Khan who was driving the car. On the other side, the door opened and Ajmal Kasab came out as if to surrender. Tukaram Ombale rushed towards him when suddenly Kasab fired his Kalashnikov gun at Ombale. Various reports say that Ombale took 30 to 39 bullets from Kasab while trying to capture him alive. Like a true hero, he lunged at Kasab and snatched his AK-47 assault rifle, held on to it, and collapsed over Kasab which effectively cramped him for space. "When we saw that Ombale was not letting go of the terrorist's gun, we knew we could not let his sacrifice go in vain. He held on and we completed his unfinished task," says his colleague Sanjay Govilkar.

In a way, he acted as a shield thus protecting the other officers present there- what's more, he fell across Kasab, thus immobilizing him. These valuable moments were enough for the other police men to come forward and catch Kasab alive. Just with the help of lathis, Mumbai policemen have done which nobody else in the world have ever done: catch a hard-core Fidayeen terrorist alive. Intelligence agencies and security forces from all over the world (FBI, CIA, Mossad, MI6, Shin Bet, KGB etc.) descended down to India to understand the nuances of the tactics used by terrorists and the counter measures taken by India; but to actually have information - that is priceless. And that is made available to the world today by Tukaram Ombale.

His heroic deed resulted in clinching the crucial evidence against Lashkar-e-Toiba and the Pakistani establishment. The whole investigation proceeds largely from Kasab, and that is because he was caught alive. An avalanche of diplomatic, political and international pressures were heaped upon the Pakistani establishment, just because of Ombale. In keeping Kasab alive, we are able to know priceless information about the network of Jihadis, their training, logistics, idealogy, functioning, etc. which would be invaluable to prevent future strikes. The importance of Tukaram Ombale's martyrdom can never be overemphasized.

Reports have now emerged about his dedication to duty before 26/11. It is said that he once painstakingly worked with dedication to inform people of the dangers of jellyfish lurking in the beaches near Girgaum Chowpatty- to the extent that he researched on Jellyfish and came with lots of lemons the next day (he just studied till class IX). He learnt that squeezing lemon juice on Jellyfish wounds have a calming effect.

He stood a perfect example for "Do your duty, and don't reap for the rewards", as said in the Gita. Once he is said to have seen some policemen chase a thief. He set his pet dog on the crook, and the thief was nabbed by Ombale and his dog, by surprising him from the other end of the street. Though he nabbed him- he politely handed him over to the other pursuing officers and he went his way. Those officers were recognized and awarded for their "efforts". But Ombale never cared for these recognitions. He believed in his duty and he wanted to be an example for others. "If I am right, the others will be right too". Never late for duty, he never missed a day even if he was unable to work. Once during the Ganesh chaturthi celebrations, he went for work inspite of being very, very sick. "I had to be there, I had to... it was my duty", so he said. His daughter Vaishali also showed a great example to honour her father by refusing donations of about 3 lakh rupees collected by students after 26/11. She had previously too, refused such charities or gave it back to them. She says that her dad loved children and he would not approve of donations. Though the whole nation is grateful to him today, his family still feels the void left by him.

His valiant efforts did not go unnoticed. He was awarded the Ashok Chakra by the Indian government, the highest civilian/military award for valour, courage and sacrifice in peacetime. CNN IBN also awarded him with the "Indian of the year" award in the category of "extraordinary service to the nation". His is a tale of sacrifice and duty, he has left behind a legacy which is worthy of emulation- an example to follow.

With people like Tukaram Ombale, the whole nation is illuminated. We bow to you, sir.

Picture copyright: Rediff.com; notw.co.uk

TWENTY YEARS & COUNTING

2009-11-12T17:14:00.007-04:00

Every once a while, a great soul will emerge and sweep humanity off its feet, so Hindus believe. It was a balmy November morning in Karachi twenty years ago (1989), that a great soul had come to light. Chandu Borde, the then manager of the Indian cricket team had handed the India test cap to a little shy boy, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. Borde recalls being awoken at night by the noise of Tendulkar tapping the ball in his hotel room, practicing his strokes. A precocious young talent, he was just waiting to explode. When this was happening in Pakistan, Berlin wall divided Federal Republic of Germany (FRG or West Germany) and German Democratic Republic (GDR or East Germany), USSR was not yet split into Russia and 14 other different nations, and many college going kids of today were not born!

In his first test series, in spite of being hit in the nose by the speedster Waqar Younis, the young teen showed tremendous character to continue playing with a blood soaked face and shirt. I still remember watching this series as a little boy, seeing those grainy feed from Doordarshan- my earliest recollection of watching cricket. From that series, I remembered nothing later on but a few hazy pictures and one name- Sachin Tendulkar. It is no wonder that it was his majesty who inspired me (and millions others subsequently), not just in cricket or sports, but in various aspects of life in general. And very soon, Tendulkar-mania swept across the nation.

He was everywhere. He cemented his place in the Indian team, and very soon it just became routine that he scores lots of runs all the time. Occasional rare failures are catastrophic for the average Indian fan. For most audience, it didn't matter if India won or lost: as long as Sachin hit a fifty or a hundred, they're very happy. People didn't come to watch a match; they came to watch Tendulkar unfold his effulgence. Special pujas and other services were made to ensure that he plays well. It is said that when Tendulkar comes out to bat, the TV viewing population of India exceeds the population of Europe. Note that it is only to watch Sachin, not for team India. This bizzare phenomenon was observed over the past twenty years- people switch off their TVs and go about their work, or leave the stadium once Tendulkar gets out. In an effect, Tendulkar had created a monster. He was guilty of dazzling the masses with his presence which transcended national, linguistic, racial, and cultural loyalties. Revered all over the world, it is sheer madness in India when he is out in the open. He sometimes goes out on drives at 4:00 AM to avoid the public, or in disguise. In spite of all this attention, he has carried himself exceeding well. Success has never gotten to his head, and he remaines devoted to his trade, firm as ever.

There were a few things which only he can achieve: He was probably the only person to do an advertisement on shaving razors (Gillette) when he himself was not ready to shave! He will be the only cricketer to move the great mass of humanity that is India, in unison. At 36, he has lapped every award there is, and is just within striking distance of rightfully deserving the Bharat Ratna.

It has been two decades since we first saw the little master, and even after twenty years people still associate him with the innocent looking teenaged kid. And that image is impossible to disassociate from him- he is still a 36 year old baby, and gets all the fond attention from every grown-up, aged 3 and above.

His wax statue at Madame Tussauds, accolades from Don Bradman himself, the unprecedented love and fan following in India and elsewhere, two decades of being en epitome of all good values to emulate... to detail his life and the effect on others is a ginormous undertaking. With such an impact on the masses, it is impossible not to associate him with the divine. Many of Sachin's supporters refer to him just as "god". As cricinfo puts it, "...Tendulkar remains, by a distance, the most worshipped cricketer in the world".

We wish Sachin Tendulkar all the very best to continue the magic show for ever.

Picture copyright: www.cyberspirits.net

COPING WITH FLU

2009-11-05T20:46:00.035-04:00

Its all around you. When somebody sneezed near you, you no longer say "Bless You". You'd scream, "Stay away from me!" and move away from the place. You can run but you cannot hide. Much of this paranoia is because of the dreaded novel influenza A (H1N1) or more commonly known as Swine Flu which is now spread all over the world, and regarded as a pandemic.

When the disease first broke out in the spring of 2009, thousands of pigs were slaughtered all over the world to "prevent" the disease outbreak. Swine flu, as it was initially named, made people to link the flu to pigs which resulted in the massacre. Then the medical experts and other governing agencies became more careful and adopted the term A (H1N1) influenza, just to protect the pigs. The human toll of this flu strain is really phenomenal. Nearly 7800 people have died in little over 6 months. Its flu season in many countries, and you find the whole place infested with sick people. Masks were frantically used by every person out in the open, and it can reach insane heights, like this picture I got by email (Although I believe it is a fake one). In spite of preventive measures for flu and cold being recommended by doctors and other health professionals, they still spread. Keeping up with the flu season, this article is with a view to dispel some myths about flu and catching a cold, in general.

Myth: Bathing in cold water causes pneumonia/flu (or) eating ice, ice cold water causes pneumonia.

Fact: Catching a cold in the rain, in ice, by getting under the cold water etc. are all old wives' tales. The "cold" in the cold water/ice etc. should not be confused with catching a cold, which is caused by a virus. However, if you stay out in the cold for too long, your body's immune system may become weakened, and the virus causing the cold/flu will attack it. That being said, the body's immune system can be weakened by a variety of factors, not just ice/cold water/cool air. Even in the peak of summer at a hot country, you can catch a flu. It is also to be noted that the Rhino virus (which causes common cold) morphs continuously and every time we get a cold it is because of a new strain of virus which our body's immune system has not seen. And the whole process of our "suffering" is part of our body's natural immune system to fight the virus, so that the next time it comes to our body we will be immune to it. So, catching a cold by playing in the cold water, or ice is a big fat lie.

Myth: Washing hands regularly prevents flu/cold.

Fact: Washing them regularly is a recommended method to keep the viruses at bay, but they are not foolproof. In a recent study at the University of Maryland, it was found that alcohol based hand sanitizers worked far better than any other hand cleaners. Yet, they don't prevent flu- they just aid in minimizing the chances of getting yourself affected.

Myth: There are medicines for common cold

Fact: There isn't any medicine which you can pop into your mouth and voila- the disease is cured. As far as cold is concerned, all medicines can do is to alleviate the symptoms of cold. If you are coughing and sneezing a lot- it will probably reduce it a bit. The symptoms of cold (cough, sneeze, fever, etc.) are all body's way of fighting the virus and strengthening the immune system. The medicines aid to reduce the bodily suffering a bit, but are not a cure. If you can remember those Ads, they only promise "temporary relief", and not complete cure- there cannot be a medicine to prevent or to cure cold because the virus is constantly evolving. Like my granny said, "It takes a week to cure cold with medicines, and it takes 7 days to cure cold without medicines".

Myth: If you have swine flu, you have a high chance of dying soon

Fact: People with high obesity, diabetes, asthma, heart disease, very small children or people with weak immune system, or pregnant people are generally at risk contracting diseases. If they contract swine flu (or any other infection or disease), they will be at risk and are more likely to die. Though swine flu has taken the lives of thousands, you have to put it in perspective with other diseases like malaria, normal flu, typhoid etc. and the number of people dead from other diseases are much more than swine flu.

Myth: Flu shots prevent flu and cold permanently

Fact: Flu shots makes your body immune against only a certain particular strain(s) of virus causing flu. Usually, flu shots are administered at the beginning of the flu season (Nov-April), or beginning of summer. Only those strains which are actively present at that time are being protected against. Flu vaccine is only for a particular season because different flu strains can circulate each season. Once you're given a flu shot, the virus strain which is prevalent at that time won't affect you. However, strains evolve continuously and after sometime a new strain could affect you (for which you are not immunized). Therefore flu shots are given every "flu season".

Here's a useful tip to minimize the spreading of flu. When sneezing, don't cover your face with your hands- rather sneeze into the sleeve of your hand (near the elbow). This way, your hands are less infected and hence lesser are the chances for you to spread germs.

And I will be your slave for life if you can keep your eyes open and sneeze! Achhoooooo..... "Gesundheit".

Picture copyright: www.howtoreachmygoals.com

GHOSTS ARE HERE

2009-10-26T09:20:00.006-03:00

According to ancient Celtic and other cultures, the border separating this world and the nether world is very low around the end of this month. The departed spirits (both harmful and peaceful ones) make their presence felt more. This Halloween day on October 31st, be prepared to meet Ghouls, Vampires, Dracula, Werewolves, Goblins, Ogres, Ghosts and other sorry souls. According to Christian theology, the All Saint's day (Nov 1) commemorates all the souls who have attained heaven. All Souls day on November 2nd remembers the departed spirits and other wandering souls who have not yet reached heaven. The strong belief of the souls' movement around this time led to the observation of Halloween day where the spirits of the dead wander freely among humans, sometimes troubling them. In olden times, October 31st also marked the end of the harvest season, and people began to store stockpiles of food for the cruel winter. The bones of animals were cast into a big bonfire as a celebratory ritual and also to ward off the evil spirits which are active- and hence bonfires are a big part of Halloween. People dress up in scary costumes which is believed to scare off the departed spirits.

For children, Halloween is associated with the tradition of trick or treating. Children dress up as ghosts or fictional figures, and go from house to house to ask for treats. They should be provided with chocolates and candies or else they would threaten to caste an evil spell on the house! Pumpkin carving is also associated with this day where grotesque faces are carved on a pumpkin (much similar to the cultures of some Indian regions where faces are drawn on pumpkins to ward off the evil eye). Head hunting rituals by the Celts and the "Brazen Head" way of predicting the future (a device used by ancient wizards, which looked like a human head and could answer questions correctly in the form of a YES or a NO format) were probably the precursors of the pumpkin carving ritual which is followed today.

Horror stories are said, and all the ghastly myths about the dead people seem to come true on a Halloween day... Ghost tours, costume parties, horror movies and other ghoulish paraphernalia are everywhere. Though primarily aimed to keep the children entertained and scared, everybody should be on their toes. So beware, masquerade in a different attire and don't let the bad spirits recognize you! And don't look under your chair- there's a ghost hiding beneath you. Happy haunting!

FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS

2009-10-14T19:05:00.017-03:00

Deepavali (Diwali) is almost here. Deepavali is from the sanskrit words DEEPA (light) and AVALI (row). Hence, it is Deepavali and not Diwali. Diwali is just a shortened form of Deepavali.

Deepavali is celebrated with great fervour by many faiths. The Sikhs celebrate Deepavali to celebrate the return of Guru Har Govind ji from imprisonment by Jahangir. The Jains too celebrate Deepavali to commomerate the attainment of Nirvana by Mahavira. The Hindus celebrate Deepavali for the following reasons:
1. Return of Lord Rama from his 14 year exile
2. The slaying of Narakasura by Lord Krishna
3. Triumph of good over evil

People of all religions and beliefs celebrate Deepavali in India for the many splendours associated with it. For Hindus, Deepavali is celebrated over 5 days. The first day is Vasu Baras, where cows are worshipped. The second day is "Dhana Trayodashi", which is auspicious for acquiring gold and other new items. The third day is the "Naraka chaturdashi", which marks the day Narakasura was slayed. Most festivities in South India are centred around this day. Meeting friends and relatives, going to the temple, wearing new clothes, eating lavishly, and burning firecrackers mark this day. The next day is the Lakshmi Puja, which signals the end of a good harvest season. The Godess of wealth is propitiated this day. Its also a "new year day" where everything is started afresh, especially businesses and accounts. The following day is the Bali Pratipada or Govardhana Puja- this is to celebrate Mahabali's return to earth for a day or Krishna role as a saviour by lifting Govardhana mountain to save the villagers from rain.

The firecrackers that go about during Deepavali are quite a spectacle in itself. In a day of organized chaos with bombs and other fireworks going off literally everywhere, joy hits a new crescendo with so many things happening that day. The above picture depicts the general mood of the day- bombs and other crackers are meant to destroy evil (Naragasuran is a tamil version of Narakasura, the demon). The real significane of Deepavali is however the realization of our inner light, the knowledge of which would dispel all fears and doubts. In a sense, it is the festival of lights to clear darkness and ignorance. Happy Deepavali/Diwali everyone!

Photo copyright: Matt Pichette (letter bomb)

FORGOTTEN GAMES - 2

2009-09-30T17:56:00.011-03:00

Its been quite a while but here's a second edition of some of the games we used to play... but not so much any more. You have been reminded of games like Ikri-Dukri, 7 stones, patang baazi, etc. in the first edition of this article, and now we will fall back in time with a few other games we used to play.

KHO-KHO is a traditional Indian game which is simple in its concept and demands a lot of physical activity. Known earlier as "Rathera", this game had its origins in Maharashtra, and probably chariots or "rath" were used. This game is a modified form of "run-chase" where two teams of 12 players (with 9 on the field) play two innings of 7 minutes each, chasing and defending. The "chasers" sit on the field facing alternating directions, and one chaser will go after one member from the defending team. While the defending team member is free to run within the boundary limit specified, the chaser has to run in one direction only. An active chaser can change position with a seated chaser, by touching him from behind by palm, and uttering the word 'kho' loudly, and simultaneously, chase or attack is built up through a series of 'khos' as the chase continues with a relay of chasers. The rules were first framed in the beginning of the 20th century and has been active ever since. But since the advent of media explosion for games like cricket, football and tennis, the popularity of this game is slowling waning. Come to think of it, I've gotten a gold medal during my school days for winning in Kho-Kho.

Cesta Punta is a fast paced game from the Basque country (an autonomous region in northern Spain), which is said as "the fastest game in the world". The ball or 'pelota' covered with goatskin can travel at speeds greater than 300 km/h. Traditionally this game is called Jai Alai. It involves hurling the ball onto a three-walled court and not letting the ball touch the ground (in which case, it is out of bounds, or a point is given to the other team). More about this game can be read HERE. Interestingly, this sport was featured in the 1992 Olympics at Barcelona. The above video shows a game in progress. Like many other traditional games, this fast paced game is dying a slow death.

And then, how can we forget those numerous board games? India has invented a lot of board games: Pachisi (Ludo), Snakes and Ladders, and Chess to name a few. The game of Pachisi has been synonymous with gambling even in Indian mythology (Mahabharat). Chess originated in India which is quite popular even today. The other forgotten game is the beautiful SNAKES and LADDERS. This originated sometime around 1200 AD, and involved dice too. Each space was called a house, and each house represented a kind of emotion. You threw dice to see how far you should go, and used a cowrie shell for your piece. The ladders stood for good feelings, while the snakes stood for bad feelings that took you farther away from Nirvana, so to speak!

Many young girls and boys in India play a variety of sweet games. There are no proper names for them, but let me put forward the idea...

1. Name, Place, Animal, Thing- A random letter is chosen and everybody has to write the name of a person, a place, an animal and a thing starting with that letter- the one who does it first scores maximum points. Points are shared if names are repeated among contestants.

2. Book cricket- An offshoot from cricket, this is popular among young boys. A random page of the book is chosen and the last digit of the page number would be the "runs" you score. Alternate turns are taken and the one with the maximum "runs" in say, 20 flips would be the winner.

3. Aam Chuki, Chapan Chuki, Tana Baba, Kadam Badaye, Aali dus...!

4. Chidiya udd- A game popular with young girls. All your hands should be on a flat surface, with palm facing down. One girl asks "Chidiya Udd?", and you should lift your fingers (as a chidiya or bird does "udd" or "fly"). Many things are said and you should lift your fingers only if that thing flies. For example, if she asks "Haathi udd?", and you accidently lift your fingers, you are out (as a haathi or an elephant does not fly).

5. Poshampa bhai- A cute game played by girls. Two girls will raise their hands and clasp them together like a bridge or arch. All the other girls will form a line and pass under the arch. While doing so, the two girls will sing:

"posham pa bhai posham pa,

dakiyon ne kya kiya,

100 rupee ki ghadi churai,

ab to jail mein aana padega,

jail ki roti khani padegi,

jail ka paani peena padega,

ab to jail mein aana padega"

The girl who is in the arch during last line will be "jailed" when the two girls bring their hands down and "arrest" this girl. She will go and hold one of the two girls from the back. This is repeated till the time all of them are jailed. Half of them will hold one girl and rest the other. Then begins a tug of war game, with the arms as rope. The team which forces the other team out wins. Creative, but sweet! Oh, I remember playing tug-of-war many times while in school, but not afterwards.

6. L-O-N-D-O-N STATUE- One player turns towards a wall and spells out L -O -N -D -O -N while the others run a few steps to her from a distance and stop the minute she turns around- they stand as statues, and she tries to make them move. Then she goes back to spell London; this continues till they are very close to her and they must touch her and run away before she catches them.

7. There is the game played by young boys in India where you use a tennis ball to hit the member of the opposition team, and a hit means your team get a point and he is "killed". The team with maximum members in the end win.

8. Oonch/Neech- This game is played on an uneven surface with a Oonch (higher surface) and neech (lower surface). A person with a coin tries to give it to the rest of the group. He asks "Oonch maangi Neech?" (do you want higher or lower surface). The rest of the kids will shout their choices. The kid giving the coin has to catch the person who is not on the chosen surface.

Scrabble and Carrom are still being played in households on a rainy day, or with friends and relatives on holidays. During the eternal power cuts in the night, a candle will be the witness to the "twenty questions" game where you have to guess a personality in 20 guesses. You can ask probing questions for which the answer will be YES/NO/MAYBE. And there are outdoor games like Kabbadi, which we are reminded of only during those sports meet they telecast on Doordarshan (remember DD, anybody? It is India's national television channel...)

Young people of today are of the opinion that games are played with a joystick and involves a PS3, Nintendo, XBox or a Wii. They should get out in the open and play some of these games, just for social bonding if not for anything else.

Copyright:
Kho-Kho, from Microsoft India Research
Snakes and Ladders, from Artytart.com

GLORIOUS BASTARDS

2009-08-31T11:53:00.013-03:00

In the days of British imperialism, women were allowed on board on naval ships and wanton orgy and promiscuous behaviour resulted in many illegitimate children- many children born with questionable parentage. The children were conceived under the gun deck (and to militia men), thus those illegitimate children were called SON OF A GUN. A son of a gun or a bastard was a child born of parents who are not married to each other, and are ostracized and ridiculed by the society. In spite of the humiliation, a few of these bastards have climbed insurmountable odds to excel, and have shaped the lives of millions. I am not sure about Quentin Tarantino's Bear Jew and the band of "Inglourious Basterds" who scalped Nazis, but there sure were some glorious bastards who played an important role in creating history. So, this article is a tribute to those offsprings born on the "wrong side of the blanket" as the Chinese would say.

K'ung-tzu or Confucius as we know him today was a great philosopher and thinker of the Oriental world, whose teachings have greatly influenced Chinese, Korean, Taiwanese, Vietnamese and Japanese way of life for centuries. Confucianism is widely spread in these countries with followers as far as Europe too. However, his biological parents had an extramarital swing at odd ages- his mother was just a teen while his father was a very old man. Confucius was branded a "yehe", or a child born of illicit union. Yet, his fame reached out far beyond his humiliating birth.

The stigma of illegitimacy didn't spare rulers and monarchs. William the conqueror invaded England and brought Norman-French culture to England, changes to the English language, church reform, changes in trade, law, education, agriculture, royal administration, etc. He was the Duke of Normandy who had a seedy birth. While his father was Robert I, the duke of Normandy, his mother was the daughter of a tanner or an embalmer. He was greatly depressed about his birth, and he was known as William the Bastard (Guillaume le Bâtard), before people accepted him as the legal heir to the throne.

T. E. Lawrence was a British military officer who is well known for his liaisoning role during the Turk-Arab revolt during the First World War. His powerful writings, his wide ken of associations and activities had made him a cult figure, and increased the fetish love for anything Arabic among occidental diplomats. Lawrence of Arabia as he was known, was one of the five illegitimate children born to his "un-catholic" parents, his mother too being a bastard herself.

Leonardo da Vinci, the creator of Last Supper, Monalisa and other famous works is remembered today as a most versatile human being: He was a polymath who was adept at being a painter, philosopher, sculptor, engineer, mathematician, writer, inventor, architect, botanist, scientist, anatomist and musician. He was the perfect epitome of the renaissance man, whose multi-fared skills and insatiable curiosity readied medieval Europe into the Industrial revolution. This great soul was the son of a notary and a peasant girl, who might simply have had a "one-night stand" in a haystack producing Leonardo, before parting separate ways to different marriages. Leonardo totally had 17 half brothers and siblings, none too proud of their birth.

Two Argentinian villagers, Juan Duarte and Doña Juana had a steamy fling at each other and gave birth to Eva Perón. Evita, as she would be known, became a strong political figure in Argentina, heading the ministry of health, ministry of labour and social welfare, became the vice president of Argentina, Argentinian senate president and held other posts. She got the title, "Spiritual Leader of the Nation" by the Argentinian Congress, inspite of allegations of corruption and getting too cozy with Nazi war criminals. Yet, she remains a bastard who destroyed her birth certificate to hide details of her birth...

Alexander Hamilton was United States' first secretary of the treasury, and one of the founding fathers of the USA. He was also one of America's first constitutional lawyers. As a person who greatly shaped America's formative government policies, he was influential in creating America as we know it today. By his own accounts, he was born out of wedlock, the American way of saying, "illegitimate child" (Oh, these Americans!).

One of the greatest seductress in the American film industry, Marlyn Munroe's birth is veiled perhaps to avoid the stigma of illegitimacy. She was brought up in foster homes, not knowing who her father was. Likewise, queen Elizabeth I of England was declared illegitimate when she was barely 3 years old, after her mother (2nd wife of Henry VIII) was beheaded for not able to beget a male heir to the throne.

Born of an adulterous shenanigan between a farm labourer and a housemaid, Ramsay MacDonald became the illegitimate son who would become a British politician and hold the position of the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, twice. He became the first Labour Prime Minister in 1924. The associated stigma of illegitimacy affected him, as the deeply conservative Presbyterian Scotland viewed illegitimacy with a vehement scorn.

Other famous personalities who were born of unmarried illicit sexual relationships include Henry Morton Stanley (famous explorer of Africa), Édith Piaf (France's greatest popular singer), James Smithson (Chemist, of Smithsonian Institute fame), Edward Gordon Craig (Show business and theatre), Helena Modjeska (Shakespearan actress), Sarah Bernhardt (actress), Vasily Zhukovsky (famous Russian poet), Howard Staunton (chess player, standardised chess as we know it today), Aleksandr Herzen (Russian writer and thinker, father of the Russian Socialism), Jenny Lind (Opera singer, known as the Swedish Nightingale), Stefan Banach (mathematician, founder of modern functional anaylsis), Ivan Pnin (Russian poet, political writer), and Leon Battista Alberti (Italian poet, priest, philosopher, architest, linguist and cryptographer).

31% of children born in Europe today are bastards, while in the UK it is 42%. The numbers can be high as 55% in Estonia to a low 3% in Cyprus. Illegitimacy stigma weighs down heavily on such people mainly because of society's attitude towards extra-marital sex and moral values proscribed by religion and society. Wanton, adulterous and promiscuous behaviour was very prominent in ancient Rome and throughout the medieval Europe. Some cultures have the opinion that children born of wastrel parents are destined to spread gloom and terror. Born of the seeds of passion and lust, it is opined that such children are a source of misery. This can be said true in the case of Adolf Hitler.

Hitler's paternal grandfather is contested by three people, Johann Georg Hiedler, his brother Johann Nepomuk Huttler, and Leopold Frankenberger. It is rumoured that Leopold Frankenberger's son had an affair with Maria (Adolf Hitler's grand mother) and the illegitimate son Alois could well be because of him- which gave a Jewish blood to Hitler as Leopold was a Jew! Hitler's father Alois is the illegitimate son of Maria, who could be linked to Johann Georg Hiedler as well. Alois married Anna and yet maintained a decadent life of a licentious nature, married Franziska Matzelsberger and then married Klara (who gave birth to Adolf Hitler). Hitler's mother Klara was the granddaughter of Hitler's step uncle (and possible father or biological uncle), Johann Nepomuk Huttler. If Nepomuk was Alois's father, Klara was his niece- if Georg was Alois' father, she was his first cousin once removed. It would seem that incest and promiscuous activity of Hitler's ancestors had given birth to a demon!

Picture copyright: (From top to bottom)
Confucius: Copyright expired (over 100 years), Public Domain-Art
Leonardo da Vinci: Istituto Comprensivo di Villa Lagarina, Public Domain-Art
Eva Peron: Unknown (over 25 years old), Public Domain
Ramsay MacDonald: by George Bantham Bain Collection, Public Domain

INDEPENDENCE FROM IGNORANCE

2009-08-15T23:14:00.015-03:00

A tryst with destiny was fulfilled 62 years ago. India was finally "free" after centuries of domination. The plunderers right from the Sassinids, Persians, Turks, Mongols, Arabs to the Mughals and the British, all established their own dynasties and starting looting India. No other country or land mass was looted as much as India was. For a period of over 1000 years, Indian land mass was attacked and invaded thousands of times. The identity of Indians were changed so many times- isn't it anything but a miracle that in spite of over a millennium of invasion, the great land has sustained itself?

Cultural imperialism was so very dominant, and any other land with over a 1000 year period of invasion and humiliation would lose its identity and its core values. Yet, Indians have managed to retain their rich culture and tradition. Isn't it a wonder?

In my view, this was possible because the people from India realized that material aspirations were inferior to spiritual bliss, and that was something which could not be killed. However, an ominous task awaits. Although rapid strides have been made in every possible field since independence, new challenges present itself everyday. Population, pollution, scarcity of natural resources, intolerance, ethical depravity, etc. are some of the current problems which have raised its head in ugly proportions. However, there is a much bigger problem which is silently eating into us. The biggest problem in the 62nd year of independence is the ignorance of the masses.

Ignorance is bliss, so it is said. But that so called bliss is binding us into deception, delusion and slavery. Ignorance is steeped in us in every aspect, right from the monumental to the mundane issues, from spiritual affairs to worldly matters- our ignorance is so acute that for any 10 things we do, we don't have the knowledge or belief in our actions for at least 5 of those things. Try to answer these questions:

1. We go to the temples, the priest does so many rituals- we follow them, even at home, at an event, special ceremonies, etc. Do we know the reason behind all those rituals or WHY we do them?

2. What is the reason behind fasting (staying without food) on some days in certain religions?

3. Why do we exchange garlands/rings during marriages?

4. Why is kneeling/bowing down or touching the feet, a mark of offering respect in almost all cultures in the world? (or) Why do we bow/touch the feet to offer respect?

5. If the we have to pay the tax to the Government, isn't it simpler to actually adjust everything in the salary, instead of undergoing an exercise of tax filing?

6. AIDS- how many of us are aware of how it spreads, or how it originates? More on this HERE.

7. Why is the colour red associated with anger/rage, green with envy/jealousy ?

8. If wars are fought in a free-for-all fashion, what is the use of infantry marching in ranks in a disciplined manner?

9. Black cats, number 13, walking under a ladder, breaking a mirror, dropping salt, touching wood, etc. are all superstitious beliefs. And there 1000s more- anybody knows why we do them?

10. Why do we eat three times a day, at specific times (breakfast time, lunch time and dinner time), and not usually at other times?

The aforementioned points are day to day issues and yet most of us don't know the reasons behind them. Our ignorance coupled with an inexplicable fear of bad tidings if we fail to do certain things have given rise to superstition in India. If things are being done just because it was the custom, is not a reason to justify our actions. We need freedom from this ignorance which has plagued us for centuries now. Nothing could better explain our rationale for work/action than could this following verse from Chandogya Upanishad:

It says, whatever you do- FIRST KNOW IT FULLY. Then, BELIEVE in it, and THEN, DO IT. First comes knowledge, then belief in that piece of knowledge/information. Only after we know and believe in something should we perform our actions. This verse explains the essential requirement for ANY action to be performed, even breathing. Our problems started when we lost the knowledge- but yet believed in certain things without knowing what it is. Take any of the above mentioned examples- we do it but we have lost the knowledge. That gave rise to superstitions. Naturally people will start to ask questions, and many times they won't get convincing answers and hence they will lose the BELIEF. All this is because we lost the knowledge in the first place. And when we do action without knowledge or belief, it is nothing but ignorance.

And it is this ignorance which has crept up so alarmingly in India's society that nobody really knows a way out. What we need is not an independence day to remember our heroes- if we introspect deeper, nobody can conquer us if all our actions are supported by knowledge and belief. Our true freedom comes when we have conquered our ignorance. Until then, we are just fooling ourselves by a false sense of being "independent", while we are becoming slaves to ourselves.

KNOWLEDGE- BELIEF- and then, ACTION... in that order. Follow this in your day-to-day life, and you will find a marked increase in your productivity and your inner freedom.

JAI HIND!

THE MOONWALKERS

2009-08-04T18:14:00.012-03:00

Some 40 years back, Neil Armstrong and Edwin "Buzz" Aldrin fulfilled a goal of US president John F. Kennedy, who stated in a joint session of the Congress on May 25, 1961, "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth". True to his word, 8 years later man landed on the moon. This article is a tribute to the best 'moonwalkers' there have ever been.

NEIL ARMSTRONG - The first man to land on the moon also said one of the most famous quotes of the twentieth century, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind". He promised us the moon and kept his word. His feat is remembered as the pinnacle of scientific progress.

EDWIN "Buzz" ALDRIN - The second man to step foot on the moon, he is not too impressed by the recent US plans for a moon mission. "America to Mars is what ought to be, not America back to the moon", derided Buzz Aldrin. According to National Geographic, he is the first person to pee on the moon! Inspite of his quaintness, he remains a paradigm of human endeavour.

MICHAEL JACKSON - The king of pop, the single man who rejuvenated a dying music industry, the person who wowed the world with his legendary "moonwalks", the most famous/well known music artist in the world... Michael Jackson was the most complete dancer of this century, and an entertainer non pareil. He is a moonwalker in his own terms. Aaawwww!

12 ANGRY MEN - Between 1969 and 1972, five more NASA missions landed on the moon, giving a total of 12 people the chance to walk, run and even golf on the lunar surface. Pete Conrad became the first man to officially "dance" on the moon. And MJ did the moon walk on Earth. Talk about similarities! Man's fascination to grab the moon mysteriously waned. Inspite of much advanced technologies and facilities, no one has landed on the moon since 1972. The original 12 moonwalkers are forever etched in history.

TINTIN & GANG - Tintin, Captain Haddock, Snowy, Professor Calculus, the Thomson twins and Joylon Wagg gave us the first ever moon adventure through a comic book, many years before Armstrong and co. did it in reality. What's amazing about this book (Tintin- Destination Moon and Explorers on the Moon) is that every technical detail had been thought of, and it was very similar to how the Apollo mission was conducted. The adventures of an intrepid boy reporter Tintin have continued to fascinate readers decades after it first appeared. The moon adventure was one of his best books- Hergé (the creator of Tintin) gave us a glimpse of the moon to the readers much in advance of the actual mission. Tintin remains, the first fictional character to land on the moon.

On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong became the first human to step foot on the moon. The 40th anniversary of the moon landing was celebrated a few days back, but it was not without drama. NASA revealed that it lost its original tapes of the moon landing, probably erased! NASA and a Hollywood film restoration company (Lowry Digital) took television video copies of what Apollo 11 beamed to Earth 40 years ago and made the pictures look sharper. This fueled the fire of conspiracy theorists who contended that the whole episode was fake. Conspiracy theorists had created quite a furore, especially given that it was the finest achievement of science. Rebuttals and counter rebuttals were exchanged. On the 40th anniversary of the moon landings recently, National Geographic released an article with a view to bury the dissenting voices. You can see for yourself HERE. Nonetheless, lets stick to the official version maintained by NASA.

Moon landings and space exploration remain one of mankind's finest moments. Moon and space explorations stand out as the most important landmark in the endless list of scientific achievements, and we can now wait for a manned mission to Mars.

Picture copyright: NASA, for the picture of Neil Armstrong and Edwin Aldrin

CULTURAL CHANGES

2009-07-14T20:17:00.013-03:00

I am supremely confident that a full-fledged cultural invasion is happening all over the world: a cultural invasion of the oriental ideas over the occidental lifestyle and vice versa. People struggle hard to preserve things dear to them, to preserve the individual and group identities. New groups and newer identities are being formed, at the expense of traditional values.

For instance, Indian influence is being felt heavily on South Africa- with cricket, bollywood and business holding sway on the daily way of life. The results is that, Indian habits and customs (good or bad) is being adopted by South Africans more than ever before- and it is spreading rapidly. Same can be said of the growing influence of Chinese in the Americas; or the adoption of western culture in some conservative middle eastern and other Muslim countries. Electronic and print media play a very important role in moulding our thoughts in a particular direction.

The British ruled almost every part of the world for a long period of time- their brand of imperialism involved "divide and rule", trade, warfare, slavery and other tactics upon the natives of various countries. Right now, the western countries may be at the receiving end of a "cultural imperialism" of sorts- where foreign culture and ideas are increasingly being felt in day to day life. We now have bhangra music in western night clubs; Chinese food is available everywhere; African tribal music is greatly sought after; bollywood is taking over all of Africa, Asia and elsewhere; "freedom of expression" is being greatly used (and misused) in Asian countries; occidental fashion is creeping into oriental lifestyle; more mixed races are being formed...

So what is the offshoot of all this? Some of the terms which we use today, such as "Canadians", "British food", "Asian cities", etc. will be so homogeneous that it would encompass a wide spectrum of elements, that it becomes sensible to group all of them together. The identity would be lost, or rather- newer identities are formed to replace the former ones. And the results are visible much sooner than one would expect.

Take India for example. Hundred years back, India was reeling under the might of sustained and continuous invasions by several foreign rulers. The humility of oppression, a feeling of helplessness and extreme poverty are now replaced by burgeoning confidence, growth, and power. This was achieved by a strew of cultural changes in India's outlook. The dresses, eating habits, thought process, priorities, likes/dislikes, etc. were all changed. Yet, there is an underlying identity which has been preserved by the Indians- that "identity" has been changing constantly all the time, but at the same time creating another identity which unites the moods of the time.

So what's my point?

I am just trying to say that in spite of our best efforts, change is the only certain thing in life- it has been going on since time immemorial, and constant change has brought about history as we know it. Even from a spiritual and mythological standpoint, the change in cultures and habit has been the cornerstone in our scriptures. People have trouble letting go- be it in society, or any mental state within our self. If we can collectively realize the futility of trying to preserve- the world would be a much better place. We often hear old people say "in my days, it was like this... it was like that, things were so different and better..." When our grandparents lived during the British era, their fathers and grandfathers would have said tales about how during their times they travelled in horses and chariots! The whole issue of "generation gap" is because of the cultural changes that have taken place over the years.

We should accept the cultural changes the environment heaps upon us and progress on. What we identify ourselves with today will not be valid a few years down the line- and that has always been the case. The sooner we realize this, the more peaceful we become.

THE LONGEST DAY

2009-06-21T12:43:00.009-03:00

The longest day (northern hemisphere) is upon us. June 21st is when the Sun's rays are perpendicular to the tropic of cancer. The Earth's rotation axis is titled at an angle of 23.37°, which makes the seasons possible. The axis remains tilted in the same direction throughout a year; however, as the Earth orbits the Sun, the hemisphere (half part of earth) tilted away from the Sun will gradually become tilted towards the Sun, and vice versa. This effect is the main cause of the seasons.

The axis of tilt makes the light from the Sun to get unevenly distributed across the planet. From the above picture, sunsets at various points across the Earth can be seen. The red line roughly indicates the zero degree prime meridian (Greenwich Mean Time). It can be seen that darkness has fallen across most of Europe and Africa. It is a known fact that the Sun sets in the East first and then in the West. In places like Liberia in West Africa (10° West of the prime meridian), the Sunset has already begun; however the Sun has not yet set in parts of northern Norway (15° East of the prime meridian). This contradiction is explained by the tilt in the earth's axis and the subsequent length of day.

In accordance with this concept, it has been observed that June 21 is the date for summer solstice in the northern hemisphere. The picture on the left shows this phenomenon, where we find that in areas north of the Arctic circle (66.5° N), there is no sunset. Likewise, around the Antarctic circle (66.5° S), there is no sunrise on this date. All along the north-south direction, the amount of sunlight and length of the day increase as we go from south to north. Around the equator, the length of the day and night are equal throughout the year. So in a year's time, the amount of sunlight around the equator is more or less the same everyday. Which is why places close to the equator have no seasons. Whichever hemisphere is currently tilted toward the Sun experiences more hours of sunlight each day- currently it is the northern hemisphere. Since the equatorial regions receive sun's light at a vertical angle all year around, tropical regions are hotter than other regions.

Today is also officially the first day of summer for many countries in the northern hemisphere. Bangladesh has implemented its daylight saving time from today where it pushes the clocks ahead. "The longest day" is also the name of a book and a movie, which is about the D-Day landings of the Allied forces in Normandy, France, on June 6 1944. On another note, as I write this, the Sun has shone on Pakistan's T20 cricket team- they emerge the T20 champions, defeating Sri Lanka in the finals!

Picture copyright:
Federation of American Scientists (www.fas.org)
San Francisco State University (www.sfsu.edu)

BEAUTY IS ONLY SKIN DEEP

2009-06-11T18:45:00.011-03:00

Beauty in the feminine form has fluttered the hearts of many a poet, artist, ruler, despot, and countless males who have transgressed through a slew of emotions. Throughout the course of history we have witnessed several beautiful women who just by their dazzling appearances, have made the world dance to their tunes.

Cleopatra is put forward as a great beauty and her successive conquests of the world's most powerful men is taken to be proof of her aesthetic and sexual appeal. Julius Caesar and Mark Antony were at her feet- with her unprecedented beauty she ruled Egypt with a stature equal to that of Julius Caesar himself. It is said of Cleopatra's nose, had it been shorter, the whole face of the world would have been changed! Often quoted as the most beautiful woman in the world, queen Nefertiti's charms enabled her to have a status equal to that of the Pharaoh- in a male dominated society, such status was unheard of in 1400 BC. Helen of Troy had the face which "launched a thousand ships" and was the cause for the Trojan war.

Indian history and mythology is rife with stories involving beauty. Ravana pounced upon Sita devi allured by her beauty, and we have a great mythological tale in Ramayana. The ever famous Mahabharata war, was also a result of the alluring beauty of Draupadi. Born of fire, Draupadi became the flame of passion which engulfed the minds of men like Dushyasana, Keechaka and many others leading to the final conflict. In the nectar churning episode in the Kurma avatar, Lord himself came down as the dazzling Mohini to bewilder the asuras to deny their share of the divine nectar of immortality. Great kings like Nala and Dushyanta were literally brought down to their knees when they became enamoured with the enticing beauties of Damayanti and Shakunthala; and their stories replete with so many love tales. I can go on and on...

Beauty is a potent weapon, a major force which drives human thought and behaviour everyday. Beauty is attributed to the feminine gender as an unsettling force over the male ego as societies traditionally have been patriarchal all over the world. Flowers, full moon, rivers... nature itself has been linked to a woman's beauty since time immemorial. Poets have waxed eloquent in praise of beauty throughout history, and it continues in movies today. Ancient Arabic literature melds beauty with 7 levels of attraction- Hub (Attraction), Uns (Infatuation), Ishq (Love), Aquidat (Reverence), Ibaadat (Worship), Junoon (Obsession), and Maut (Death). This by the way is very brilliantly captured and delivered in the song "satrangi re" from the movie Dil Se.

Man's attraction to a woman have made many a ruler into doing strange things. The Taj Mahal stands testament to man's slavery to woman's charms- it was built by Shah Jahan to fulfill this wish of his beloved wife Mumtaz. King Vishnuvardhana of the Hoysala was drowned in his queen Shantala's beauty. Inspired by her beauty, king Vishnuvardhana built numerous divine dance forms of celestial female figures called "Madanikas" in the temple of Chennakeshava at Belur in Karnataka. Sri Shanta-leswara shrine at Shivaganga Bhetta was also constructed to commemorate her beauty. Tulsidas, who wrote the Ramcharitamanas (Ramayana in Hindi) is believed to be a very spiritual person who had several divine visions and the personal touch of God a few times. Even he was madly bewitched by his wife Ratnavali's beauty that he braved torrential rains, and swam across the mighty Ganga river in spate using a corpse as a float to visit her. Eventually he reached his wife's home in the dead of the night using a snake as a rope to climb to her room! Rumour has it that Pakistan was willing to exchange the whole of Kashmir for the bollywood beauty, Madhuri Dixit!

Though feminine beauty is widely recognized as a mesmerizing charm, opinions are hugely divided among men to identify different facets of beauty. So what is in women that completely blinds men into the realm of illusion and delusion? Perhaps the most succinct definition of beauty is put forward by John Keats, who observed:

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty," -that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.

It is said that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder- but is that all only good for classical quotations, or is there any definitive aspect of beauty that is objective?

Picture copyright:
"Nefertiti", by Arkadiy Etumyan (License: GFDL)
"Aishwarya Rai at Taj", by www.graphicshunt.com

THE GREAT INDIAN ELECTIONS

2009-05-09T17:52:00.007-03:00

I am sometimes pissed off with the general apathy of the Indian public towards the electoral process. How seriously they underestimate the importance of elections! When I watch the news coverage of the elections, I always see the old and infirm, the poor, the downtrodden, the uneducated, and other "masses" queuing up to cast their vote. Why, oh why are there not many middle class, upper middle class and the rich people? Where are the elite educated brains of India? The intellectuals have largely deserted the ballot box.

Nonetheless, by the sheer magnitude of the whole process, India is witnessing the world's largest ever elections, comprising of nearly 700 million voters. Though the voter turnout was about 50-60% only, the logistics were mind boggling- no wonder it took a month's time to cover all the regions of the world's largest democracy.

Another week or so, and the new leaders of India will be revealed. You cannot but be awed at the whole system, flawed it might be. India is ushering towards a new phase- but with old faces. The same old bunch of crooks, intellectuals, poets, rowdies, and dedicated leaders are recycled over and over again. But change is certain, and we as ordinary citizens hope for effective governance and stability at all times.

SHOE HIM AWAY

2009-04-28T12:21:00.006-03:00

Muntazar Al-Zaidi started off a great new way of protest: Hurl your shoes and make your statement. Ever since the George Bush shoe throwing incident, Al-Zaidi has become a hero among muslims and in the middle east. This trend is now fast catching up in India with the election fever running high.

India's home minister Chidambaram was the first to get a taste of journalists' ire when the reporter from Danik Jagran, Jarnail Singh, hurled his footwear at him. Congress leader Naveen Jindal also faced a boot thrown by a retired school teacher in Kurukshetra. Then, it caught up big time. The Indian prime minister while campaigning in Gujarat became the target of a soiled boot thrown by a student from the crowd. All the three politicians were from the congress party, and it appears that Congress party is literally facing the boot! BJP was also at the receiving end, when a drunk vagabond hurled a slipper at the Karnataka chief minister, Yediyurappa.

While "chappal garlands" are commonly used in effigies of political leaders to dishonour the person, these incidents suggest a more bolder in-your-face approach. With still about a good month's time before the elections get over we can be assured of many more shoe missiles. Narendra Modi is proposing a net barricade around his podium during his speeches. Clever thinking on a shoe-string budget, I would say.

Picture courtesy: rediff.com

PRANAYAMA AND EXTENSION OF LIFE

2009-04-08T18:30:00.016-03:00

Ever seen a dying person? During the final moments, the breathing becomes difficult and the person will be gasping for breath; gasping for life- and finally the breathing stops and ultimately death occurs. According to yogasana, the prana is the life force which sustains breathing in all creatures. Prana can be considered as an invisible force which operates in the region between the nostrils and the lungs. There is a force which is present in this region which pulls air and pushes air which causes the action we call “breathing”.

The total amount of force or prana is fixed for humans- it is 777600000 breaths for a lifetime. At a normal breathing pace, we take about 100 years to exhaust this many breaths (1 breath = 1 inhalation + 1 exhalation). Lets have a look at the breakdown of the numbers involved. At a normal breathing pace, one breath (1 inhalation and 1 exhalation) would take 4 seconds. Therefore for a day of 86400 seconds, we respire 21600 times. 777600000 breaths would mean 36000 days- which is roughly 98.63 years. That's why in Indian philosophy and customs we say that a human life span is 100 years.

Pranayama (प्राणायाम) is the science of extension of the prana.The number of breaths is constant, at 777600000. No technique or medicine can increase it. Breathing involves puraka, recaka, and kumbhaka (read: inhalation, exhalation, retention). The normal breathing exercise involves inhalation, a pause (retention), exhalation, a pause, inhalation... and so on.

Normal respiration takes 4 seconds. If we elongate our breathing, or if we control our prana: lets say we take 6 seconds for one breath. Then we have the following math:

Respiration (inhalation + exhalation)	Time (4 seconds/breath)	Time (6 seconds/breath)
1	4 seconds	6 seconds
15	60 seconds	90 seconds
900	3600 seconds (1 hour)	5400 seconds (1 hour, 30 minutes)
21600	86400 seconds (1 day)	129600 seconds (1 day, 12 hours)
7884000	31536000 seconds (1 year)	47304000 seconds (1.5 years)
777600000 (maximum)	3110400000 seconds (36000 days or 98.63 years)	4665600000 seconds (54000 days or 147.95 years)

By just slowing our breathing pace by 33%, we are able to increase our life span by 1.5 times. If its 98.63 years at normal pace, we can live 147.95 years if we breathe once in 6 seconds, and we can live 197.26 years if we breathe once in 8 seconds. These are just the basics- some techniques like kumbhaka, or stopping of breath would mean that the force of prana is not used up for that time. If we stopped breathing for a minute (no inhalation or exhalation), we have effectively gained one minute in our life! Likewise, if we take shorter breaths, our lifespan is proportionally reduced. Its up to us to effectively use the 777600000 breaths available to us.

When we practice pranayama regularly, our breathing become regulated which has a cascading effect on the whole body functioning itself. Since everything starts from the breathing, and all our body cells require oxygen to survive, any alteration of the breathing would affect the whole body functioning. While pranayama serves to extend your life, it also has a host of other benefits. Regulated breathing via pranayama has been proven to provide better concentration, will power, sound judgment, mental stabilty, enhanced perception, not to mention a healthy, robust body free from ailment. This is a great science which was passed on to us by our forefathers- we should effectively make use of it, knowing what actually happens by pranayama instead of blindly "following" it.

A word of caution: Pranayama is a highly evolved science and advanced techniques should be practiced under the guidance of proper guru and not by blindly copying it off books or from the internet.

LIMITATION OF LANGUAGES

2009-03-19T17:33:00.012-03:00

Take a look at these sentences:

1. Roller coasters thrill some and scares many.
2. The Uzerduit was enquzed with Ojizra.

While you understood (1), you have no idea what (2) is. In the first sentence, you have understood the meaning of all the words whereas in the second, three words are unknown. You might be saying it properly (in the proper pronunciation), but it doesn't teach you anything.

What's a language? Language can only remind us of a previous experience. It does not teach anything new. The human mind and all the thoughts are just a bunch of experiences- language is a tool which reminds of an experience. For instance, if a person has never seen a cow all his life- every attempt of yours to describe a cow to him will eventually come short, unless he's actually seen one. That experience and the word "cow" will relate to each other. And henceforth, every mention of the word COW would remind him of that experience (of seeing a cow).

How would you describe a colour? Can you explain the difference between BLACK, WHITE, YELLOW, GREEN, BLUE, and RED? To a blind person, how would you explain the concept of colours in the first place? I know a person who is colour blind- he cannot differentiate between red and green. No amount of reasoning and logic in any language would make him understand that trees and blood are different in colour. Regardless of how proficient you are in your language, you would not be able to explain the colours. Just because, it is an experience of sight- an experience which can only be felt and not explained.

How would you describe the smell of something? Can you explain the differences between the smells of FISH, JASMINE, SMOKE, FOOD etc? You cannot. In a similar manner, would you be able to communicate the differences between various sounds? You cannot, by mere words, distinguish between the sound of a baby crying and that of a cuckoo. You can convey the message if the person already has heard a cry-baby and a cuckoo. But then, your message (language) will just remind him of his previous experience.

Same goes with the experiences related to sense of touch and that of intellect. Men will never be able to fully comprehend what "labour pain" is, for the simple fact that it occurs only to women during childbirth. No man has ever experienced it and hence no amount of explanation will accurately describe it to a man.

Can you describe the difference between the taste of the following items: Honey, Sugar, Jaggery(gur), Candy, and Cake. If one has to describe the taste, one common factor is the "sweetness". If all of them are sweet, then how do you describe the differences? Obviously, they all don't taste the same- yet they are all sweet. No amount of explanation in any language will ever be able to make one describe the taste. As a last resort, you'd be forced to taste the items and know the difference yourself- because that is the only way to "explain" the differences in the taste.

Positive interpretation through language is not possible while negative interpretation is possible but with the help of previous experience. You can say "honey does not taste like milk, honey does not taste like curd, honey does not taste like butter..." and so on (but again for those comparisons you should have had the experience of tasting curd, butter, milk etc). But to know exactly what honey tastes like, it is only possible by the experience of tasting it. So unless there is experience, language is nothing. It is as useful as statement(2) above- serves no purpose.

Mere alphabets cannot convey the truth and our personal experiences. Our language then, is as biased as our experiences. Language therefore is a tool to relate to the common experiences of a group of people. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Shakespeare was right.

DNA of DENIAL

2009-03-04T11:55:00.004-04:00

A random screening of Pakistani newspapers has revealed to me a fascinating world of media politics, in the aftermath of Lahore shootout at the Sri Lankan cricket team. A host of sentiments (read: its not us, its them) were echoed after 26/11 too, with Pakistan rejecting virtually every bit of information and evidence linking them to the attacks. Some of these statements here remind us that every coin has two faces.

"...the attackers were very ‘keen’ on fleeing after whatever they did or did not achieve – keen on escaping unlike the usual jehadis who are so fond of taking a short cut to heavens through the suicide route. This, to many minds, absolved the jehadis of the act, and eyes were cast towards the eastern neighbour..."

-Dawn Newspaper, March 4 2009.

"Within minutes a PPP politician was being interviewed on a private TV channel and saying that …"this is clearly the work of a foreign hand" (a verbatim quote). The internet was quickly alight with allegations that this was an Indian operation, or a Tamil Tiger operation and whatever it was it could not possibly have been carried out by Pakistanis or Muslims because Muslims are peace-loving people. The culture of instinctive denial clicked into gear immediately, fingers were as quickly pointed and assumptions, none of them backed by a shred of empirical evidence, were made."

-The News International, March 4 2009.

"It was very clear that the attack on the Sri Lankan team was aimed at forcing the ICC to withdraw Pakistan from list of the 2011 World Cup hosts, plunging the future of sports in Pakistan into darkness, forcing Pakistan into an economic downturn and tarnish Pakistan’s image globally – something only India is capable of doing. It is on this basis that several analysts are calling this a rebuff from India for the Mumbai attacks and one purpose could also be to create a rift in the friendly relations between Pakistan and Sri Lanka. The claims of involvement of Tamil Tigers in the attack have been dismissed by the Sri Lankan government, which only leaves out Indian spy agency RAW for being responsible for such a planned attack in Pakistan. However, it is unfortunate that neither President Asif Zardari, nor Prime Minister Gilani or Rehman Malik or Governor Salman Taseer have blamed India for this attack."

-Nawa-e-Waqt, March 4 2009.

"The attack by terrorists on the Sri Lankan Cricket team by all accounts are the handiwork of the Indian Intelligence Agency – RAW and could have played greater havoc but for the bravery of the Lahore elite police..."
"The RAW’s plan also included attacks on leaders of Jamaat-ud-Dawa, but thanks to Almighty God a handful of our brave and valiant police personnel, the terrorists failed to fulfil their mission."
"One can only hope and pray that the terrorists trained by RAW are traced as quickly as possible so that the mastermind behind the incident fund providers and the country where the conspiracy was hatched are exposed. "

-Pakistan Observer, March 4 2009.

"Governor of Sindh Dr. Ishrat ul Ebad Khan on Tuesday condemning the terrorist attack on Sri Lanka cricket team in Lahore said the attacks were carried out by international terrorists and ruled out involvement of any local element in the incident."

-Geo TV News, March 4 2009.

"State Minister, Nabeel Gabol has said that Indian intelligence agencies were involved in the attack on Sri Lankan cricket team in Lahore. Lt. Gen. Hameed Gul also sees Indian hand in the attack on Sri Lankan cricket team, saying that India is out to de-stabilize Pakistan at all costs. On his part JI leader Qazi Hussain Ahmed condemned the attack and said that some foreign elements are involved in the attack. PTI chairman Imran Khan has said that the attack was carried out by external forces to make peace accord in Swat a failure."

-National Herald Tribune, March 4 2009.

"Ameer Jamaat-e-Islami Qazi Hussain Ahmad also said that India could be involved in the Lahore attack. Talking to a private TV channel Qazi also criticised the Governor Salman Taseer's statement that India is not involved in the incident saying Salman Taseer has no evidence about the accident and culprits.

The former ISI chief said Pakistan should convey its concerns to India regarding the Lahore attack, just like India did after the Mumbai attacks. However, he said, "They (Pakistan Government) are not free…America has ordered them not to blame India for anything."

-Statesman, March 4 2009.

"Some unidentified yet established as highly trained RAW operatives ambushed Sri Lankan cricket team’s motorcade at Liberty Market, killing 7 including 6 cops early Tuesday. These RAW operatives managed to escape from the scene unhurt while police is still in hot pursuit. However, it is pertinent to recall that 12 terrorists in Mumbai attack held the whole city hostage for 72 hours whereas in Lahore the 7 Punjab policemen sacrificed bravely their lives and forced the terrorists to flee within 25 minutes."

-The Daily Mail, March 4 2009.

If its bitter, then it must be untrue. If only this were true...

DABBAWALA INC.

2009-02-11T19:50:00.010-04:00

Home made yummy food- when was the last time you had them during your work hours? Many school and college students find it uneasy to carry a box of mom's cooking with them to their classes, let alone people who work. The concept of "tiffin boxes" have faded out for you to appear more cool amongst your peers. With the advent of so many fast food joints, canteens, food courts and other eateries close to your schools/work place, eating out during lunch has become a trend among the masses. The good old multi-tiered tiffin boxes of your grandma era has faded into oblivion. Hmmm... really?

In Mumbai, you are very likely to witness the remarkable precision of people with white khadi clothes and a Gandhi cap, working diligently to keep the tradition of "tiffin boxes" alive and kicking. The dabbawalas as they are all known, are unique people working in a unique profession: to carry lunch from the homes of the office-goers to their workplaces in the afternoon and to bring the empty boxes back using a variety of ways. The wifes and mothers of office goers employ these meticulous workers to carry the food to them- and their precision is about one error for 8 million deliveries, which is better than a six sigma rating! About 200000 lunch boxes are carried everyday by nearly 5000 dabbawalas across the city, with a complex association and hierarchy. Using colour coding and symbols only, all the lunch boxes of this sprawling city are meticulously carried out by the dabbawalas by bicycles, trolleys, wooden crates and the ever crowded Mumbai suburban trains, with unerring accuracy and timing. Focussing solely on human endeavour and social ingenuity, the uncanny organisational logistics and flawless operations of dabbawalas have earned them a high reputation in the management world, inviting heavy research and accolades from top management gurus and corporate bigwigs- yet many of these dabbawalas are just 8th graders.

Now, an avatar of these ubiquitous Dabbawalas has surfaced in the west. In the US, One World Cuisine group of restaurants has started "tiffin meals", a new home and office meal delivery service in Boston and Cambridge. With a click of a mouse, patrons can order quality home-style Indian food everyday for lunch. This new service was heavily influenced by the dabbawalas of Mumbai.

Founded by Mahadeo Havaji Bachche with just 100 men, dabbawalas have been in service for more than 115 years and they belong to the Nutan Mumbai Tiffin Box Suppliers Association (NMTBSA). They possess a host of records and accolades, including the world record for the best time management. Rain or shine, these dabbawalas have a strike free record, and have earned the trust of the Mumbaikers. The kurta-clad simple dabbawalas are an icon in their own sense, and are synonymous with life in Mumbai. There are a lot of things you can learn from these dabbawalas- discipline, time management, honesty, integrity, pride in our work, contentment, and the sheer force of human capital in our ventures. The dabbawalas take their role as 'Annadatas' very seriously. For them, the delivery of food is not just a job- it is the noble means of quelling the hunger that strikes the customer when lunch hour approaches.

Picture copyright: www.mydabbawala.com

RENAMING PLACES IN INDIA

2009-01-22T19:15:00.012-04:00

Westerners were shocked to learn that Mumbai was attacked by terrorists on 26th November. Then they paused to the effect, "Mumbai? Where is that?" Many non-Indians know the name of one of the largest cities of the world as Bombay, and not as Mumbai. They find it hard to believe that it has been Mumbai for more than 12 years now. Likewise Chennai, Kolkata among others.

Mumbai as we know it today has underwent many changes in her name. The Portuguese gave away the islands (originally comprising of Mazegaon, Parel, Wadala, Mahim, Matunga, Old Woman's Island and Colaba- and later made into one united land mass by landfill) they called Bom-Bahia (Good Harbour) to Prince Charles II of England as a dowry gift for marrying the Portuguese princess, Catherine de Braganza in 1661. Then it became Boon Bay before becoming the anglicized Bombay. This city was renamed in 1995 to Mumbai, in the name of the Mumbadevi Goddess (also known as Mumabai) whom the locals worshiped. Shiv Sena contended that the Marathi name was Mumbai and Bombay was a corrupt version. The renaming suggested a cultural imposition of Maratha pride upon the Muslims, Parsis, Christians and non-Marathi inhabitants of the region, who were largely favouring the use of Bombay for centuries.

Down south, DMK government took a cue from Shiv Sena and started renaming cities and towns in Tamil Nadu to their regional names. The most notable change was that from Madras to Chennai, in August 1996. The Raja of Chandragiri gave permission to the British to build a fort in a place called Madraspattinam. The locals built another settlement called Chennapattinam (named after the ruler's father, Chennapa) close to it. This was the earliest British settlement in India, which dates back to 1640. The British used Madraspattinam, and renamed their fort town to Madras, whereas the locals who largely inhabited the nearby Chennapattnam, adopted a name Chennai to their town. Another source for the origin of Madraspattinam indicated a Portuguese link; that Madras was named from Madre di Dios after the Church of St.Mary. Though suspicious, this claim seems plausible as Portuguese presence in the area was felt since 1504. Tamil speaking people refer to the place as Chennai, much before the renaming took place officially. The DMK government effected a renaming spree, and the idea was taken up by Kerala too. Several towns were renamed, street and roads with English sounding names were replaced with Tamil/Malayalam names.

Calcutta, the former capital of India was changed to Kolkata in 2001. Bengalis use Kolkata in their language to refer to this city and it seemed plausible to rename it. The origins of this name are shrouded in mystery- some suggest it might have come from "kali Katta", after the Goddess Kali, worshiped extensively in the region. The momentum to rename places back to their regional names gained momentum initially from the creating of Bangladesh from East Pakistan, whence Urdu was overthrown and Bengali was the official language. The mood spilled over to India, giving rise to the idea of being regional and proud. The whole state of West Bengal was renamed as BANGLA, along with Kolkata.

While these are the more famous ones, many followed suit. The Bombay to Mumbai and Madras to Chennai changes were the trend setters; and it sparked off a regional, nationalistic and often jingoistic name changing spree. Most places in Kerala underwent a name change. More recently, Bangalore became "Bengaluru"- the history goes that a king masquerading in disguise was given boiled beans or "Bendha Kaalu" in this place or "ooru", which became known as Bengaluru. Kannada script and language also refers to this place as Bengaluru even before the name change. The following would give a list of some of the name change that has taken place recently in India. The list I am sure is not exhaustive, and there are many more names which I might have missed.

OLD NAME	NEW NAME
Bombay (Maharashtra)	Mumbai
Madras (Tamil Nadu)	Chennai
Calcutta (Bangla)	Kolkata
Bangalore (Karnataka)	Bengaluru
North Kenara (District, Karnataka)	Uttara Kannada
South Kenara (District, Karnataka)	Dakshina Kannada
Trivandrum (Kerala)	Thiruvananthapuram
Quilon (Kerala)	Kollam
Cochin (Kerala)	Kochi
Calicut (Kerala)	Kozhikode
Cannanore (Kerala)	Kannur
Allepey (Kerala)	Alapuzha
Palghat (Kerala)	Palakkad
Trichur (Kerala)	Thrissoor
Tellicherry (Kerala)	Thallassery
Ramnad (Tamil Nadu)	Ramanathapuram
Tuticorin (Tamil Nadu)	Thoothukudi
Conjeevaram (Tamil Nadu)	Kanchipuram
Coleroon (Tamil Nadu)	Kollidam
Tanjore (Tamil Nadu)	Thanjavur
Ooty (Tamil Nadu)	Udhagamandalam
Coimbatore (Tamil Nadu)	Kovai
Trichy (Tamil Nadu)	Tiruchirapalli
Cape Comorin (Tamil Nadu)	Kanyakumari
Chingleput (Tamil Nadu)	Chengalpattu
Point Calimere (Tamil Nadu)	Kodikkarai
Porto Novo (Tamil Nadu)	Parangipettai
Wardha East (Maharashtra)	Sewagram/Varud
Aurangabad (Maharashtra)	Shambhaji Nagar
Poona (Maharashra)	Pune
Bassein (Maharashtra)	Vasai
Baroda (Gujarat)	Vadodara
Bulsar (Gujarat)	Valsad
Broach (Gujarat)	Baruch
Pondicherry (Union territory)	Puducherry
Gotegoan (Madhya Pradesh)	Sridham
Benaras (Uttar Pradesh)	Varnasi
Bejawada (Andhra Pradesh)	Vijayawada
Serampore (Bangla)	Srirampur
Gauhati (Asom)	Guwahati
Balasore (Odisha)	Baleshwar
West Bengal (State)	Bangla
Assam (State) Orissa (State) Oriya (Language)	Asom Odisha Odia
Margao (Goa)	Madgaon
Jullender (Punjab)	Jalandhar
Ganges (River)	Ganga

The BJP government wanted to rename Ahmedabad to Karnavati, Delhi to Dilli or Indraprastha, and the big fish- India to Bharat. Those have not occured- but just not yet. I won't be surprised if we find names like Prayag (Allahabad), Ujjaini (Indore), Patiliputra (Patna) or Lakshmanpuri (Lucknow) in the Indian map. Peking to Beijing, Burma to Myanmar, or Ceylon to Sri Lanka showed us that any name change is possible. If history and the recent renaming spree is any indication, India would soon be officially called BHARAT.

Photo copyright: Ashish Kuvelkar, 2006

Happy New Year... NOT!

2009-01-14T20:24:00.014-04:00

Today is the day of PONGAL, the harvest festival in Tamil Nadu- also celebrated across India as Sankranti, Lohri, Vaishaki, etc. It denotes a host of things and is one of the holiest days in Hindu calendar. But lets focus on Tamil Nadu here.

All these years, Tamil New Year followed the classical Hindu calendar- which meant, the new year usually fell sometime on April 12, 13, 14 or 15th according to the Gregorian calendar. Tropical equinox falls around 22nd March, and adding 23 degrees of oscillation to it, we get the Hindu sidereal or Nirayana Mesha Sankranti (Sun's transition into Aries). Hence, the Tamil calendar begins with the same date which is observed by most traditional calendars of the rest of India.

Taking the cue from a bunch of athiests under Periyar in the 1920s, the DMK government in February 2008 has abolished the traditional tamil (and Indian) calendar. Instead, the new year (from 2009 onwards) will be celebrated on the first day of "thai" month- which is, PONGAL. A bill has also been passed in the parliament to this effect. So, officially today marks the first day of a new custom, effectively shunning a practice followed over thousands of years.

For the first time ever, TODAY IS THE TAMIL NEW YEAR, ladies and gentlemen. Or is it?

However, Karunanaidhi has utter lack of support from his subjects on this matter- and nobody seems to bother about this bill. They followed the new year last year in April, and they are completely oblivious to this law. The AIADMK has vowed to restore the traditional Tamil calendar when it assumes power. The present state government's move has also been challenged in court. Mudslinging will continue and pointless exercises like this one will be carried out, that's TN politics for you!

Well, I'm celebrating my Hindu New Year in April as most Indians do and I'm not Tamil anyway! For today however, I'd just say "PONGALO PONGAL!"

Image copyright: 4to40.com

ANTIDOTE FOR A BRUISED NATION

2008-12-22T12:18:00.013-04:00

Even Bollywood's best script writers couldn't have conjured a better one. In a packed stadium of more than 40000, India's best son Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar, entered into the 90s which had caused him some grief of late. The bedlam and pandemonium was deafening and it was pointless to talk to anybody more than one metre away from you. As the whole mass reverberated with cries of "Sachin, Sachin...", a ruckus created by thousands of plastic bottles banging in unison against the seats- you could sense the enormity of the occasion. Something had to be preordained here, and you could just sense it in the air.

The weather was pleasant and the evening was beginning to stretch its shadows at Chepauk, and here was at the centre, a man whose beloved Mumbai had been badly bruised and his dear country shaken by the events of 26/11. The crescendo mounted with every passing second, and then the climax... a gentle tap beyond the reach of deep fine leg, a script executed to such precision that it was too much for anybody at the stadium to contain themselves: A century for Sachin and an improbable Indian victory at the same time. The junta erupted in one thunderous roar which sustained itself for several minutes... Any clause with any adjective to describe this feeling would eventually be an understatement, for one thing: You never know how much this meant for so many people, Sachin included.

Sachin ran with his hands up in the air; a delighted jump and a punch in the air followed suit; a million-watt grin which can light up the entire nation- extremely rare scenes with Sachin, who never displays such emotions. Sachin was still at it while Yuvraj embraced him with a bear hug and a lift up in the air. Perhaps the best scenes were witnessed when ground staff- simple souls with khaki work clothes sans footwear came out to congratulate Sachin. Even before KP and co. could finish offering their congratulations, these labourers came on and had their moment with the little master. A lady with a blood red sari was literally over the moon after she shook hands with Sachin. What a dozen groundstaff did would be the envy of a whole nation- they were the fortunate people, the first ones to thank Sachin for his service to the country in the aftermath of 26/11. The humble man that Sachin was, he obliged to each one of them with a broad smile.

Those scenes were the perfect antidote for a bruised nation. A reason to smile and cheer once again; it was pure joy personified at Chepauk. Cutting across boundaries of caste, colour, religion or nationality, everybody felt genuine joy- Sachin Tendulkar had brought about a relief change. "This one is for Mumbai, I play for India now more than ever", asserted Tendulkar while acknowledging the heroics of all the policemen, Navy, Hotel staff, NSG, firemen, army and everybody for their role in dealing with the terrorists.

It had to be preordained for events to unfold in such dramatic circumstances. In the end, it was Mumbai's very own Tendulkar, who gave the best boost to a scarred city. In Sachin's own words,

"Cricket is a lesser thing compared to what has happened... all this would give a certain amount of happiness to people... I feel whatever we can contribute, we've been able to do that; we are right with those people who lost their dear ones."

True, Sachin. Your contribution has greatly assuaged our anguish and brought back smiles to a billion. It has been a privilege.

Photo credit: GETTY Images, AP and Cricinfo

AA MUMBAI CHHE!

2008-12-03T19:01:00.016-04:00

It was also A WEDNESDAY. Exactly a week ago, Pakistani gunmen started off a siege that would go down in history as the longest terror attack in modern India. For over 60 hours, the whole Indian establishment was brought down to its knees, not knowing what to do for the most part. It was terror, live on your screen. 9/11 was also live, but the live terror action got over in 3-4 hours. This was unprecedented; the world was hooked on to live Indian TV channels for 60 hours watching in horror as the drama unfolded from place to place, not knowing where to focus. For a city known to bounce back, this is an acid test. What perhaps would remain etched forever in people's memory is the scene of the terrorists shooting down bystanders in Colaba, hijacking a police vehicle.

With videos like this constantly running in various channels, "dramatic" takes a new meaning. Over 60 hours, we were numbed by the tension and the live horror unfolding as we saw Indian TV channels go without any commercial breaks for over 2 days, non-stop. ATS chief Hemant Karkare was seen responding to the crisis, and we get the news of his death along with other two top cops Ashok Kamte and Vijay Salaskar, barely minutes after we see Mr. Karkare. Mumbai loses its elite authorities within minutes. Words fail to express the grief and horror, the whole episode made all the more alarming by the media onslaught upon our senses. Mumbai has taken a heavy toll, testing its resilience to the hilt.

I never thought I would see so much TV.

Now that investigations are on, politics in India has taken a heavy blow with some heads rolling. As for the city and its life, the "spirit of Mumbai", some argue has become a cliché. But I think it should prevail- it will prevail. A popular song of the yesteryears goes, "Ae Dil Hai Mushkil Jeena Yahan, Zara Hatke, Zara Bachke, Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan". But the cold Mumbaiker who doesn't seem to find time for anything, always lends out a helping hand. When the whole city was flooded with 95 cm of rainfall in 24 hours on 26th July 2005, Mumbaikers remarkably survived the ordeal by helping out fellow citizens with coffee, biscuits, snacks and water whenever they found people trying to reach their destinations. Cars with headlights turned on meant that area is unsafe to tread. People built rope bridges to help them walk across the roads in waist deep water throughout.

The spirit was put to test again, when terror struck commuter trains on July 11, 2006. Mumbai suburban trains are like the veins of this city, carrying 6.6 million people every day- which is more than half of the whole daily capacity of the total Indian Railways itself. Mumbai recoiled immediately, inspite of the rains hampering relief effort. Spirit of Mumbai prevailed again, with almost everybody who is anybody chipping in a bit of help: in offering first aid or blood, in ferrying people to hospitals, in clearing up the tracks so the city is up and running again. Spirit prevailed that even after such an attach which crippled Mumbai's trains and killed over 200, the stock market rose by 1% the very next day and to 3% by the end of the month.

Aa Mumbai chhe!

So, again when heavily armed gunmen target iconic locations in south Mumbai, will the spirit prevail? The answer is YES. Its not only in times of crisis that we note the spirit of Mumbai; Mumbaikers are a jolly lot with a air of pride about them. From the corporate bigwig to the common man, Mumbai's spirit is in the very place itself. The Dhobi ghats and its washer-men and women, the world famous dabbawalas, Shivaji and Shiv Sena, Bollywood, Stock Market, Maratha pride, Underworld, Cricket, God... this city has a recipe for everything. Perennially busy yet with a touch of compassion, this city will forever remain as vibrant and humane, this aamchi Mumbai!

Photo credit: Times of India, The Age

FILM-MAKING FOR DUMMIES

2008-11-09T12:18:00.012-04:00

Sam Anderson is a popular person. His mock fan club and an "iconic" status in Youtube, Orkut and other public discussion forums have stemmed from the epic, YAARUKKU YAARO (Step Nee), a film like never before. Sam Anderson can easily put the likes of Michael Jackson, MC Hammer, and Prabudeva to shame. Joe Stanley starts off his movie by thanking the distributors and movie houses which show this film. Perhaps he had a foresight; an ominous vision about his own movie, à la WATCH IT AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Lets get on with the review. This is a low budget movie which I suspect was made with handy cams, an electronic MUSICAL KEYBOARD (with pre-programmed musical tunes and beats) and a "hero" who is likely to be related to the director, Joe Stanley. Incidentally, he is also the man behind the movie's "music", screenplay, story, lyrics, and dialogues. This movie was made with a motive to propagate Christianity, but I fail to see how.

David (our hero) is a budding automobile engineer who has dreams of designing a low-cost car for the masses in India. He falls in love with the daughter of a rich car dealer. His old lover returns from Canada and thereby a love triangle creates mental agony for all three while his car dream melts away mysteriously... in a nutshell, that is the whole movie, with a few "songs" in between. However, the taste of the pudding lies in the eating. Words fail to adequately express the high points of this movie. As a sampler, the following videos of Sam Anderson can express more than a thousand words. Be warned, the material you will see is of a particularly graphic nature which may cause in different people, feelings of euphoria, ecstasy, anger, humiliation, depression, mirth, rage, hysteria, grief, laughter, or an insatiable desire to hurt a living thing!

This movie came out sometime in 2007, so this review is pretty late. Nevertheless, let me vent out my feelings. Assuming you have regained your mental stability after watching these videos, let me tell you I nearly suffered a stroke the first time. As a dare, I decided to watch this movie. Enter our hero, and you will be desensitized immediately. What follows is just 2 hours of nonsensical dialogues, listless acting and suicide inducing video songs. In about 10-15 minutes, you would've already become so numb, that you would'nt want to expect realism or logic anywhere in the movie. I was made to realise that engineering drawings were drawn like portraits- the ones shown in the movie (probably drawn by 10 year olds) remind me of the car drawings I did long back. A poster of a Ferrari F50 was not given to David because customers in India will be shown this car(which is soon to be released in India by the way...), and they will buy the car on seeing that only poster (I thought I should be crucified to the cross at this juncture). The first girl comes to know of David's relationship with the second girl through a romantic dream song between David and the second girl (who I thought was the only plus point of this movie: the second girl actually looked good and acted reasonably well). Our David has the touch of the holy spirit too... His talk can transform goondas into realising their folly. David also can give his gold chain to a perfect stranger if she has had her gold chain stolen by thieves.

David the lover is a class act. He is shuffled between two girls, and he also splits the same song between two girls! Probably the music director (Joe Stanley) might have run out of tunes in his keyboard. Song might be the same, but we have new dance movements! While the "Raasathi" song with girl#1 could be the cure-all to every known ailment, dances in the same song with girl#2 would probably make you full of philosophical wisdom for the whole of humanity. The choreographer has explained through the songs, the concept of "how to look like a fool to be famous". The exotic locations in the songs (read: sewage gutters, excavated land, charred landscape, private gardens) are wisely chosen and could rival the cheap locations in Switzerland, Australia, Kashmir, etc. Adding a bit of novelty is the fact that at most times, the girl dances separately and our hero dances separately- like two people in a parallel universe bonded by a insane desire to do kiddie aerobics. I feel heartfelt sympathy for the two girls who had to endure the suffering of dancing with Sam Anderson.

I feel that this movie was made with a special intent to ridicule Sam Anderson. His acting, his expressions, his costumes (he wears colourful shirts and ties!), his stomach-protruding stance, his teeth, his dialogue delivery... they all make up for one mighty concoction of insanity. There are jokers like T. Rajender in Tamil movie industry, but with talents like S. Anderson, TR would take a distant second place.

Seriously folks, if you are into numbing your senses by using cigarettes, alcohol or even drugs... try watching this epic. Sam Anderson will change your life forever. There is a good chance that you will embrace nihilism- for every thing you ever knew becomes irrelevant or without any intrinsic purpose. For people not familiar with Tamil movies: This movie is not an indicative of Tamil film industry, and don't come to any conclusions!

MUBARACK, OBAMA!

2008-11-05T10:35:00.009-04:00

It is official- Barack OBAMA is the first black president of the US. For a politician who has overcome insurmountable odds, this achievement is very historic. Son of African immigrants, his story is truly inspirational and he took his own life story as an example to bring about the "change" in US history. For about 2 years, the campaign had one name all the way- OBAMA. He approached the whole campaign process with confidence, conviction, unshaken determination and foresight. And his plan for the US was well delivered to the masses. For the Indian diaspora, he had some novel methods of campaining in Hindi and Malayalam by distributing leaflets in those languages! Right from the campaigns to the debates, it was Obama all the way.

Lets wait for the "CHANGE". But for now, lets say MUBARACK, OBAMA!

KICKING THE HABIT IN THE BUTT

2008-10-02T20:49:00.007-03:00

Smoking ban in public places in India comes into effect today. So law enforcement officers will now have more muscle to pull up the casual smoker in the streets, to warn him initially for a few days (to make it known that they mean business) and then later on, to impose a fine. So essentially it is the death knell for the habit in India, to a large extent. There will be a big hue and cry from the smokers no doubt, but India is already lagging behind in enacting strict tobacco laws. In many western countries, tobacco products can not only be not advertised commercially, but public display of cigarette brands in stores can fetch a fine. Not to mention cigarette cartons are 50% covered by health warnings. And did I mention the expense? Cigarettes in Canada for instance are at least 10 times costlier than India. The public smoking ban is already in effect long back in many countries.

Anbumani Ramadoss, our health minister, can take a pat on his back for his strong anti-tobacco lobby. He was even snapped personally distributing pamphlets to the general public to create an awareness of the ill effects of cigarettes. Stars like Amitabh Bacchan and Shahrukh Khan have had a tiff with him; but Shahrukh has a point: why ban smoking in public places? If you want to really curb the problem, then ban the sale of cigarettes altogether.

But our government can’t and won’t do that. Ironically while there is a strong anti-tobacco drive, India has something called THE TOBACCO BOARD ACT, 1975, which has a strong presence today. Among other purposes, this board aims to work towards “planned development of tobacco industry in India.” A few livelihoods are affected, for sure- like that of the vendor, the ashtray maker… but they are blinded into oblivion by the might of the goodness that this move will bring.

Now there will be a few debates as to which areas constitute “public” and which are private. How effectively this law will be enforced is another thing altogether. Smoking being such a widespread habit, equally among the law enforcers and the general public, it will be interesting to see how policemen with a smoking habit react to this. In a lighter vein, my friend once gave a traffic constable ONE CIGARETTE as a “bribe” to let him off a minor traffic violation!

Picture copyright: www.forceoutproducts.com

GEN-Y SUPERHUMANS

2008-08-17T23:17:00.009-03:00

Charles Darwin's theory of evolution could be true after all. At least, in the case of humans it definitely seems so. Ancient man needed to be instinctive due to many dangers from nature, like predators for instance or just for food. Survival of the fittest is a great notion, and in our quest for survival and competition at all times, we are constantly pushing ourselves further; and that trait becomes ingrained in the DNA. As generations pass, more hybrid breeds of homo-sapiens are born who also have to survive in a competitive environment like their predecessors. The result is a myraid complex mix of DNA in newer generations who are programmed genetically to be "superhumans".

There is a definite change in the last 100 years- teens hit puberty much earlier now than what used to be, harmones are overflowing; we've adapted ourselves to changing lifestyles in the last century; our life expectancy has increased by many years, and so on. We seem capable of doing a lot of things which were thought of as impossible earlier. We amaze ourselves in this great race of survival and competition in a material world. We are on the top of the food chain, but it doesn't stop there- we have to be on top of each other too. Evolution has taught us to survive by competition, and that means someone has to fall. And usually that spawns further competition and before you can blink, its a dog-eat-dog world out there.

Michael Phelps is a great example to illustrate the change. The past 9 days were magical for him: he created 7 world records in his 8 olympic gold medal haul at Beijing! 14 gold medals in the olympics so far and he's just 23! He's a story of dreams: Phelps was raised by a single mother (his parents got divorced when he was 7), suffered from Attention Deficit Disorder as a child- but that didn't stop him from becoming a superhuman. With extra long arms, flipper-like 14" feet and a tall muscular body frame, he was built to swim. And his 12,000 calorie/day meals kept his metabolism very high. During the baby boomers generation, the world record in 400 metres medley was clocked at 5:15.6; now current generation Phelps has reduced it to 4:03.84. Almost one minute and 13 seconds have been shaved off the world record in a matter of just 51 years! This is not something extraordinary- it is completely mind boggling.

Another great genetically programmed person Usain Bolt has shattered his own record and ran 100 metres in just 9.69 seconds, even after gingerly ambling along towards the end and pre-maturely celebrating his victory with 30 odd metres to go. How far can you stretch that mark?

When we see atheletes raise the bar all the time (Olympics 2008 is a great showcase to illustrate this), it is evident that such extraordinary ability could be possible by only better built bodies, something not possible in the earlier generations. The current generation-Y, and the future generation-Z who will hit their teens in their next decade would never cease to amaze us. It is good to have a historic perspective, or else we won't know the significance of our advancement.

But still, we struggle to survive. In any given era we compete among equally strong superhumans- so there is competition and there is rise and there is fall. And we will continue to raise the bar, physically. Our bodies will continue to change as the next generation unfolds. We are now much healthier than our ancestors. Perhaps we will be naturally resistant to more diseases in the coming decades. Body hair would reduce even more, and the instruments we use the most would be more developed- this would mean that mental development has to be greater as man has conquered everything mostly by brain, and a little by brawn. But are we really mentally advanced than our forefathers? That is subjective and one can never actually measure the actual intellectual capacities across the ages.

True, the opposite could also be possible(i.e., newer generations getting weaker) as natural selection (process by which favorable heritable traits become more common in successive generations) plays out its part. But we can be certain of one thing- as environment changes, our abilities to tackle them also changes, and that would be a trait. So by natural selection we can be assured of more and more favourable traits- favourable to survive in a changing environment; favourable to compete and excel even further, favourable to become "superhumans".

Photo credit: AFP/Getty Images, Xinhua.

TENSE ENCOUNTERS OF A DIFFERENT KIND

2008-07-29T15:30:00.011-03:00

In my very first post, I had mentioned that this blog is also to boast a bit; to blow off my own trumphet. Well, here's a blog posting to that effect now:)

We are having our maritimes cricket season, and we visited New Brunswick last saturday to play our second game of the season against them. We were beaten black and blue in the first one, and we were determined to win this time. We won this time, but there's more to it than just the result.

Let me be a bit dramatic here.. though nothing is exaggerated, in fact I have it toned down a bit. 40 over game, and the humidity was in the high 80s with temperature around 30. Both innings went into the 40th over, and it was a long day. Sapping heat drained all our body fluids and we were bowling first. I did a decent job with the ball but what followed next during our batting was quite unbelievable- for me, and for my team-mates. I walked in 9 wickets down, with 10 required off 5 balls, and I hit the required runs, and finally sealed the match with a spanking six over the covers. A la Javed Miandad- and it looked like a fairy-tale ending. As I never bat at all, nobody could have imagined that I could pull off a stunt like that, and my team mates all rushed into the field and lifted me, hugged me, bowed before me... wow, it was something!

The match itself was reminiscent of an Ind0-Pak encounter sort of thing, with constant heavy sledging, cursing, heated arguments, hostile attitude, temporarily suspended play, and a close match to boot. Would cherish the moment for a long time, and an unforgettable match! Wish I had videos/photos of the final moments.

Oh, by the way- apologies for the lull in blogging. I was busy for a while and then I completely forgot about it. Thanks to Madhura for reminding me of my blog!

ASHUTOSH, A DEVOUT HINDU

2008-04-17T21:04:00.010-03:00

Ashutosh Gowariker's last three movies as a writer/director have all been masterpieces. By giving us Lagaan, Swades, and Jodha Akbar, he has carved a niche for himself in Bollywood. Discounting his earlier ventures (like Pehla Nasha, Baazi, etc.), we can say that there are a few trends to his movie making: He uses A. R. Rahman and Rajesh Vivek, the movies run for more than three hours, and they strike a chord in the heart of the viewers. Then?

What about his religious inclination? I think he is also very superstitious- in that he HAS to do a devotional song every time in his movies! I can see Ashutosh as a devout Hindu with great passion for India and her cultures. It was first seen in LAGAAN, with almost every frame depicting a crass "Indian-ness" in it. And to top it off, he gave a devotional song in O Paalan Hare and a semi-devotional one in Radha Kaise Na Jale. While O Paalanhare was purely devotional to invoke Lord Krishna to save the villagers from a looming defeat, Radha Kaise Na Jale portrayed the Raas Lila, with Gopis and Krishna Himself, along with a jealous Radha. Both songs were brilliantly done, and maybe Lord Krishna Himself did ensure the movie's success!

The next movie SWADES moved millions of viewers- and it hit them right at the heart where it pained the most. For this epic movie, Lord Shri Ram was being invoked. Pal Pal Hai Bhaari, a beautifully melodious song depicts Ramlila- complete with Sita's prayers and faith, Ravana's arguments, and finally Lord Rama killing Ravana, with his monkey army! The song was supposed to happen during the Dussehra festival, and the song's picturisation reminds of Ramanand Sagar's Ramayana in Doordharshan. Ashutosh himself personally sang this song for the role of Ravana! A divine song, this song is easily 1000 times better than the so called "devotional songs" dished out by the numerous audio companies.

Keeping up with the tradition of invoking the Almighty, Ashutosh's next movie JODHA AKBAR had its first song Mann Mohana, another devotional number. This time a fervent prayer to Lord Krishna was the theme of the song. Jodha is grief stricken by marrying a Muslim ruler, and prays to Krishna for comfort. There is also another devotional song in Khwaja Mere Khwaja- A R Rahman himself wanted so badly to be able to sing a Sufi song on Khwaja Moinuddin Chisti, and he got the opportunity in Jodha Akbar. Both songs were wonderfully made as usual, and will be remembered for a long time like Swades and Lagaan.

So Mr. Gowariker's religious inclination is well evident from his movies. It will be interesting to see if he would venture into a full-fledged religious, devotional movie in the future. Such movies are becoming rare nowadays, with all the glitz and glamour taking centrestage.

WATER WARS

2008-04-06T19:46:00.005-03:00

Tamil Nadu and Karnataka are at loggerheads with each other. The bone of contention is not religion, but water. Cauvery being the prized cash cow, everybody wants to milk her. Its share of quarrels over the years have taken so many ugly manifestations, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

Jingoistic language feelings are evoked, and anger is vented out by destruction of public property and by harassing/injuring/killing people. And vandalizing theaters, hotels and eateries, association buildings, buses, etc. won't do an iota of good to either parties. The hue and cry is more because of a star-studded, cinematic element to this standoff. The whole point? You express solidarity to a particular language?? How does allegiance to a language solve the water problem? Dirty politics and elections have made it all the more important to get your nose up in front. And we are still wasting water.

Most of the rainwater is let off into the ocean ultimately- a precious resource, wasted. For heaven's sake, why not invest money in water management instead of fighting over petty issues? For instance, rainwater harvesting should be made mandatory to every structure constructed. This will take a big investment, but ultimately the benefits are much higher than the investment. Common man should not be bothered about basic necessities- his time and energy should be spent to deal other issues. But our greatest need water, is so scarce that the common man is bereft of his peace of mind.

Imagine a situation where you can take water for granted, like air. You never bothered about it as you never really thought of "rationing" oxygen to breathe. Water was like that, long ago- when the population was minimal and rivers and lakes were aplenty. Today, we need to find a long-lasting alternative method to sustain water- for peace of mind. We can start ourselves, at home. Because the nation is no more stronger than the individual people. Try doing these:

1. When you brush your teeth, shave, wash your face, etc., CLOSE the tap while not in use.
2. If you have a faulty tap or any plumbing fixtures, get it repaired immediately!
3. Try to use lesser water for bathing, washing dishes and clothes.
4. Avoid wasting water unnecessarily, and make sure your property is fully rainwater harvested.

It is important to know one thing. When water wastage occurs which is beyond our control, WE should not stop being water-conservative. Our duty is regardless of how we see water being wasted elsewhere. If we start to do these seriously, then we can surely implement water management on a broader scale- like saving most of rainwater instead of letting them into the seas. Hogenakkal or Jog, let there be plenty of water in them.

(Picture copyright- CITYOFTULSA.org)

FIVE GENERATIONS

2008-03-14T14:38:00.008-03:00

(click for a bigger, better resolution)

Ladies and gentlemen, please stand up- 5 generations, all females. Absolutely mind-blowing! I am rather proud to belong to such a family, with my grandmother really putting the GRAND in "grandmother"!

In the pic, from right to left- My grandmother(Janaki Bai/Bhoomi), her daughter(Neela), her daughter (Neerada), her daughter (Rekha), her daughter (Shrishti).

All the females were the first offspring to their parent. By the way, this lineage is special as it is pure female, and all were first born. With my grandma, there are two more instances of 5 generations, but a mixture of males and females. Nowadays, third generation is the most we'd get to see- that too, sometimes. I'd bet this is one of the last instances that we'd ever get to see such a picture. Check out these "statistics"!

Children - 6
Grandchildren - 14
Great grandchildren - 16 (3 more on the way soon!)
Great-great grandchildren - 3

All hail my grand mother, who is also called BHOOMI in our family. True to her name, she is the mother earth!

Also read my earlier post on this HERE.

SON OF THE SOIL

2008-01-20T21:00:00.000-04:00

We have often heard the phrase, "a true son of the soil"- something said to appreciate a person's service to his nation, to his people, to his soil. Many times, they are people who do yeoman service to others, or just raise the name of the nation before the world, by skill or by power. Thousands of people could qualify for this, but today I will focus on the one name which crops up in my mind when you mention a country...

Romania- Perhaps, not a son.. but the most famous daughter of Romania, NADIA COMANECI was the first and only person to do a perfect 10 in gymnastics. She achieved this rare feat at the 1976 Olympics at Montreal, and she got 10.0 as her overall score- flawless victory! Her technique and precision is quite unmatched, as you will see HERE. She is the single name which comes up when Romania is mentioned, and the MOST FAMOUS of Romania's daughters- Nadia Comaneci. Daughter of the soil rating: 10/10

Ukraine- Talk of steam rolling, or absolute dominance in a sport and none can even come remotely close to SERGEI BUBKA, the pole vaulter who leapt to new height over and over again. In fact, he broke the world record for 35 times- mostly breaking his own previous world records! Apart from the many awards and honours he received his absolute dominance of the sport should serve as the best prize yet. The most gifted and talented sportsperson Ukraine had ever produced- Sergei Bubka. Son of the soil rating: 9/10

Argentina- Argentina has become synonymous with DIEGO MARADONA, and his soccer skills- he rose to tremendous heights in the late 80s; won the world cup in 1986; had a glittering career and inspired fellow Argentines to great successes in many fields, not just sport. He was an inspiration to them. However, this son of Argentina slowly fell from grace and although passionate about his sport, drug abuse and other scandals tarnished his image. Yet, he still remains the face of Argentina. Son of the soil rating: 7/10

Mongolia- A son born to a Mongol chieftain rose to be one of the greatest conquerors of all times. Temujin, or GENGHIS KHAN was the undisputed leader of north Asia. Starting out from Mongolia, he united all the tribes one by one, and amassed a great army and a blood thirsty campaign of aggression. His empire spread far and wide, engulfing all countries in his path. Modern day politics and nation boundaries in north, north-east and central Asia are the result of his campaigns. Historians debate on the negatives of the great Khan, but it is beyond a shrek of doubt that Genghis Khan was one of history's greatest rulers and warriors. And even today he is regarded as a hero of Mongolia. Son of the soil rating: 8/10

United States of America- A free nation, a melting pot of cultures, the trend-setting nation... USA has seen a large number of people who have made it into the dream that it is today. It is really difficult to pick up one defining person in bigger countries as there are many and opinions vary. Nevertheless, one of my favourite persons from the USA was THOMAS ALVA EDISON. He is the hardworking shrewd man who found an answer for almost every practical problem. His light bulb invention has lit up the whole world, and opened up new possibilities in life. Not unnerved when he failed 2000 times before he invented light bulb, he simply stated "It is a 2000 step process, I've found 2000 techniques which would not work". His contribution to science is unbelievable. He has 1093 U.S. patents, which greatly influenced the way of life ever since- some of them greatly technical like the Phonograph while some of them are greatly useful, like the telegraph! He paved way for the American dream. Son of the soil rating: 10/10

Belgium- Belgium produced a great son, who gave the comic world the tufty-haired adventurous reporter Tintin. GEORGES PROSPER REMI or HERGE was the creator of the Tintin series of books. His contribution to the world of comics is quite fascinating, and he still strongly influences comic art all over the world especially in Europe. His earlier works were strongly influenced by the European missionaries and imperialism. The characters evolved slowly as each book progressed, resulting in a series of wonderful, fascinating, entertaining comic books, Tintin. Son of the soil rating: 8/10.

(Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norkay atop Mt. Everest.)

All those illustrous people who did extraordinary things have been regarded as sons of the soil. This posting is just to honour a son of the soil, who passed away recently. New Zealand's most greatest son was the conqueror of mount Everest. The Pacific island nation's most blessed progeny EDMUND HILLARY, was the one who "knocked the bastard off" when he ascended on the top of the world, literally. The odds he defied to scale Everest were truly herculean, and he stretched human endurances and determination to new heights. He also headed to Antartica on another expedition into wilderness. He was one of the greatest explorers of all time. The welfare of many Nepali families and communities were taken care of by Sir Edmund Hillary after the Everest conquest to this day, and Sherpa community has been plunged into gloom following his demise. The Indian Government awarded the second highest civilian award, Padma Vibushan to Hillary posthumously this year. Son of soil rating: 10/10

SACHIN IS GOD, GOD IS SACHIN

2008-01-04T12:00:00.000-04:00

In SCG, or Sachin Cricket Ground in Australia, the Lord has manifested Himself in all His splendour (vishwa rupa). That he was compared with Don is illogical to me: who can compare a mere superhuman with God Himself? In deeming the best among equals, Sachin Tendulkar is a loner- for none is even remotely on par with Tendulkar.

(Copyright: sachin-tendulkar.net)

Sometimes I stooped to wonder if Sachin Tendulkar is a mortal after all- a low and cruel thought, after his so-called "lean" patch in 2005-2006. All such doubts were dispelled in 2007 when God came back and created another record of sorts, like only Tendulkar can, of getting out in the 90s. Seven scores in the 90s in the latter half of 2007, and God has given His subjects plenty of breathtaking stroke play and class and also plenty to yearn for.

Like a child crying for mother's milk, like a lover who yearns for his beloved, like the devotee who seeks union with the Almighty, billions of faithful supporters from all over the world were expecting a statistical three-figure landmark. And billions were rewarded pleasantly as they woke up Friday morning to turn on their TV sets to learn one thing: their God has blessed them. And indeed so. I have been blessed and privileged to be in the stadium when God knocked the wind out of the Australians in Chennai, a few years back. The pure bliss when God hits a century is something inexplicable. I relived that moment once again yesterday when God smacked a regal 154 at Sydney. An innings of pure brilliance, and it was sheer poetry in motion! Nothing, not even the midnight hour could stop me from letting out a big roar and clapping profusely when I saw Sachin reach the three figure mark. And like me, crores of people all over the world had experienced bliss.

One God saluting another (Copyright: Cricinfo.com, Getty Images)

I am quite unabashed when I say this: I STILL turn off my TV after Sachin leaves- a phenomenon surprisingly common across the Indian milieu, for over 18 years. He truly is God personified, and only God has the divine force to drive a nation of billion people. Not that a century really matters- as I said earlier, it is just a statistical figure. But right throughout his career, Sachin has displayed nonpareil class and technique. He was the gifted idol, the wonder-boy who appeared all those years back, and he has become so entwined with Indian society and lifestyle of today that it is impossible to associate India without Sachin, without God.

Many times I have sat down to write this blog, and many times I have failed. Its not because of my lack of ability but it is the greatness of the little master which leaves me in awe. But I needn't find "words" to describe Him. After I die, I will go to heaven and see God, till then I will settle for Sachin, screams a banner at a match. It is His presence which drives a billion people's happiness and peace; a nation's euphoria; the mirth of the masses; Indian psyche is run and fuelled by just one soul. And that is God personified. That is our little master. That is Sachin Tendulkar.

A banner at SCG: "Commit all your crimes when Sachin is batting. They will go unnoticed for even Lord is watching."

RING OUT THE OLD, RING IN THE NEW

2007-12-31T11:01:00.000-04:00

Yet another year, yet another reason to "celebrate", yet another day to revel mindlessly...

Since all the days and months repeat themselves, any day could be a new year's day- we are just shifting the reference point for our calculations. In 1751, Britain and its colonies adopted the Gregorian calendar throwing away the Julian calendar. However, it is notable that it was Julius Caesar who made January 1st as the "new year's day", as it was on that date when Roman consuls took over the duties. Many cultures and religions all over the world celebrate the new year at various times spread over all months, and we can easily show more than 100 different dates for new year's day.

But the most common (and universally accepted) date for everyday dealings, trade, commerce, etc. January 1st is the reference point and it is the first date of a new year. Blame it on Julius Caesar, imperialism, and the British... we have been gifted with a universal language for communication (english), and everything that is associated with it (like the calendar, for example).

New year resolutions- ah, the ones that never really take off. Resolutions, or committing oneself to doing certain things (usually weight loss, reducing alcohol/tobacco intake etc.) in the coming year are very prominent on this day. Most of them are failures. The origin of making "resolutions" date back to the Babylonians who incidently were are the first (historically) to look at new year as a reason to revel. Most resolutions taken back then were to return the borrowed farming equipment duly :) Talking of reveling and revelers, maybe the Babylonian boorish, crude and crass culture has come down through the ages and has manifested itself in today's ways of of celebrations.

Finally a quick mention of the vets, who are noted to celebrated January 2nd as the "mew" year- a happy mew year for cats day!

BIRTHDAY BUMPS

2007-12-16T15:03:00.000-04:00

Birthdays are supposed to be full of fun and joy. This is true, but the fun and joy are very much for the "guests" of a birthday party. Indian college birthday celebrations are very notorious. The scapegoat (birthday boy) has the unique opportunity to volunteer to get his ass whooped.

And it is pure fun. Especially for others. College/youth birthday parties in India are not without BIRTHDAY BUMPS, or the tradition of having one's back pounded as many times as his age in years. The UK tradition in high schools and colleges is to catch hold of his arms and legs by four others and toss him up in the air over and over. Variations of this version include tossing him up and pounding his back on the ground each time... while the most popular Indian tradition is to hold his arms and legs while the rest of the gang pummel his ass with their feet, usually much more than his actual quota for his age. More often that not, the scapegoat is reluctant as you can imagine.

(Rohit, after his ritual)

People wear boots and heavy shoes ESPECIALLY for a birthday function- to kick ass! Birthdays usually starts off with this ritual, and after that comes the more sober cake-cutting and singing of the birthday song. But again the atmosphere is charged up with smearing the cake very generously over his face, head and elsewhere.

Birthday bumps are fun, but sometimes it can go out of hand. I've seen one example where a college mate of mine had to be in crutches for a few days. More serious cases include damage to the spine, the effect of which can be paralysis or lifelong disabilities. However those cases are few and far in between. All the merry-making is safe as long as your feet lands on the gluteus maximus (the prominent shape-giving muscle of your bums), and not on the backbone. The unfortunate birthday boy also has to foot a large bill after treating the gang at some restaurant, before having his ass kicked and his face & body smeared with icky-sticky cake and confetti!

"Happy birthday to you,
You were born in a zoo,
With monkeys and donkeys,
and you look like one too..."

QUICK GUN MURUGAN... MIND IT!

2007-11-30T13:39:00.001-04:00

"First I'll finish the sambar, then I'll finish you!"
"Mind it!"

Shashank Ghosh was the man behind the launch of MTV and Channel [V] in India all those years back. And the iconic characters, Quick Gun Murugan and Uddham Singh (created by Shashank Ghosh as well) found their way in their advertising campaigns. (Gaat eet... wogaaayy??)

Quick Gun Murugan is supposedly a hero in B-grade tamil movies, but he has reached iconic cult status now. He is a cowboy, yet very much a tamilian. Quick Gun Murugan is a trigger happy superhero who is famous for his knock-out punches (poor baddies!) and one-liners. Channel [V] had some advertisements with Quick Gun Murugan. And soon, some private firms (like BLACK KNIGHT beer) started their own versions of Quick Gun Murugan.

Check this out, and it will ring a bell.

There was a witty dialogue inside a bar in one of the advertisements "Pal kudikkara kulanthaigal BLACK KNIGHT kudicha GOOD NIGHT aayiduvaanga... MIND IT!"

With due respect to the purists, I now give a translated version... "If kids who drink milk drink BLACK KNIGHT (beer), they will be put to sleep (good night!)... MIND IT!"

There are some more videos like this one, and I am desperately looking for them.

Apparently, it is understood that Shashank Ghosh is doing a full length movie on QUICK GUN MURUGAN in tamil and telugu. Rajendra Prasad is in the lead role, and since he is a cowboy, he goes about protecting COWS and crusades against beef-eating! It is a total Rajini-inspired genre of "heroic movie" replete with leather boots, guns, villians, and girls.. (Rambha is the lead heroine!!)

A brief portion of the superhit OM SHANTI OM had this hilarious part where Shahrukh Khan plays the role of OMISWAAMI filming for.. you guessed right.. MIND IT! I haven't laughed like this in ages.

Again, the real fun is only understood by the tamil speaking audience who can relate to the humour better. Love it when SRK says "Naa romba... Nellai akki rakki katti patti.. bang bang!" "Thoo.. dai", "Enna vlaai.. Enna daii"

What to do? We are like this only... Enna Rascala? Mind it!

THE LAW IS AN ASS

2007-11-14T21:49:00.000-04:00

I recently came across this article in yahoo news, and it makes some hilarious reading. 4000 independent individuals were presented some "laws", and asked to single out the most absurd. So the following are the results of that study. The percentage of people voting for a particular law are given in brackets. Here are Britain's top 10 "ridiculous" laws... ridiculous is just putting it mildly.

Most ridiculous British law:

1. It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament (27 percent)

2. It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British monarch upside-down (seven percent)

3. In Liverpool, it is illegal for a woman to be topless except as a clerk in a tropical fish store (six percent)

4. Mince pies cannot be eaten on Christmas Day (five percent)

5. In Scotland, if someone knocks on your door and requires the use of your toilet, you must let them enter (four percent)

6. A pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman's helmet (four percent)

7. The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the king, and the tail of the queen (3.5 percent)

8. It is illegal to avoid telling the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing (three percent)

9. It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament in a suit of armour (three percent)

10. In the city of York it is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrow (two percent)

The law is an ass, and we very well know it now.

RICHEST DEAD PEOPLE

2007-11-06T12:25:00.000-04:00

It is always said that you cannot take the mortal remains with you after you die. All your material possessions, and wealth are of no use once you expire. "A miser is a fool who saves up all his life to die a rich man", people say. You earn during your life time, spend that money and die leaving everything behind. Or is it?

People in certain parts of the world would love to be remembered after they are dead- the size of the tomb signifies their greatness. People do realize that "legacy" stays behind after a person dies- and it inspires a lot others. However, it has been proved that legacy goes beyond just name and fame- A dead man also earns. Would you believe if I told you that Albert Einstein earned $18 million last year? Or that Marilyn Munroe earned $7 million?

Elvis Presley was the king in his times. He still is. Even among the dead people. Elvin Presley "earned" $49 million last year. He is the topper in this year's Forbes.com's list of top-earning dead celebrities. Presley died in 1977. His estate continues to generate millions from music royalties, DVDs, licensing deals and tourism at Graceland, the rocker's mansion in Memphis, USA.

The other rich deceased celebrities are: John Lennon ($44 million), cartoonist Charles M. Schulz ($35 million), Beatle George Harrison ($22 million), scientist Albert Einstein ($18 million), artist Andy Warhol ($15 million), writer Theodore Geisel ($13 million), rapper Tupac Shakur ($9 million), actress Marilyn Munroe ($8 million), actor Steve McQueen ($6 million), musician James Brown ($5 million), musician Bob Marley ($4 million), and actor James Dean ($3.5 million).

Apparently, dead men tell no tales- but they still bring home the bacon... and how! The world is not only more queerer than we think, it is more queerer than we think!
-----------------------------

1994 miss world beauty contest judge: How do you want to live after you die?
Aishwarya Rai: I would like to donate my eyes and provide vision to a blind person.

SPY vs SPY

2007-10-28T23:31:00.001-03:00

Its a mad, mad world. The Communists vs. Capitalist mind games created the cold war- and two of its main protagonists, the USA and USSR though did not actually wage war against each other, spawned off many pitched battles in a mad environment (Koreas and Vietnam, for instance). It brought about isolation of the two countries from each other. And mind games were fought. Among the various "inspirations" the cold war created was a wordless cartoon strip in the MAD magazine.

The magazine MAD, never impressed me- however, I acquired a liking for the cartoon strip, SPY versus SPY. The cold war made a Cuban, Antonio Prohias, to create the white and black "spies" to fight against each other. It was made to represent the communist and capitalist ideas respectively (which is which?). The white spy and the black spy fight against each other, usually by setting booby traps. Sometimes the white one is victorious, and sometimes the black one gets the white spy killed. They are always at loggerheads with each spy ever designing more sophisticated means to get his rival killed. Usually the plan succeeds, but many times the other spy thwarts his rival's ideas by his own ingenious plan and sees him off.

Sometimes, the black and white spies are replaced by black and white high ranking officers, and a few times a grey lady spy (whom both the spies are in love with) is also seen. MAD magazine first brought their battles in 1961, and even today MAD regularly witnesses their conflicts.

Much time has passed on since its creator died and the concept was carried on by latter artists, which is indeed an achievement for MAD. The original creator Antonio Prohias also "coded" his name in Morse, much in tune with the communist-capitalist tensions. I saw a book full of SPY vs SPY recently, and hence this blog.

(pics taken from http://bloglubbock.com/?m=200512, and http://www.peterkuper.com/artforsale/salehtml/spyvsspys.html, and copyright rests with the original author).

-... -.--

.--. .-. --- .... .. .- ...

"RACIAL" ABUSE?

2007-10-12T18:43:00.000-03:00

Another interesting controversy in Cricket, which broaches upon a broader spectrum of sociology. Darrell Hair (a White Australian umpire) was subject to racial discrimination by "Asian countries", so he alleges... Andrew Symonds (Australian) was subject to "racial" abuse by Indians; and if that is not enough, get this... White South Africans (South Africans, of all people!) were "RACIALLY" abused by a section of people in the Pakistani crowd!

Not that racial abuse is new in this world. But whats interesting is the reversal in trend recently. Suddenly, it is "cool" to be black/brown/asian. If you are white, then you could be taunted. White people are suddenly finding themselves at the receiving end of all the racial slurs. How did this reversal happen?

It is too premature to suggest that there is a definite reversal in the making. Racism as the way we know, is still very much prevalent- Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty was the subject of racial ridicule in the celebrity show, "BIG BROTHER", for her being "brown". However, you cannot ignore the fact that race crimes (by white people) have come down dramatically.

Interestingly enough, "BLACK SUPREMACY" was in vogue for quite some time now. Wikipedia has this to say "Black supremacy is a racist ideology which holds that black people are superior to other people and is most often thought of in connection with anti-white racism, anti-Semitism and bigotry towards non-black people." Groups like the Rastafari group, New Black Panthers, Nation of Islam, Melanin theory, Nation of Gods and Earth, Nation of Yahweh, United Nuwaubian Nation of Moors, etc. are all black supremacist groups- these groups with black pride ideas bordering on fanaticism are no lesser than Ku Klux Klan or other white supremacist groups.

What we are seeing could be the tip of the iceberg here- with the population of white people gradually being outnumbered by brown and black people, there naturally is a tendency for these so called "lesser mortals" to feel superior. And these incidents in cricket could suggest a trend in the making- of course law and order will prevail and it might not be as ghastly as 200-300 years back. But as it is said, History repeats itself...

(Image taken from http://www.water-bongs-glass-pipes.com/rastafari-movement-(rastas)/tp/ib/i-257/, and copyright rests with the original author who uploaded the front cover of this book)

GRAFFITI WARS

2007-10-01T22:33:00.000-03:00

Graffiti has ceased to be an art form (would you believe it?), and now it is generally frowned upon by the public; and any act of graffiti (usually on public property) is viewed as vandalism, and treated thus. "Lettering" walls and other surfaces has come a long way since its early foundations in ancient Rome and middle east. Historically found in catacombs (underground burial grounds for Jews, Christians), in the Arab world, and also in the pyramids of Egypt, graffiti has now been reduced to hip-hop and black culture.

In the US, rival gangs in shady neighbourhoods all have their own "symbol", and graffiti wars are usually triggered by the appearance of one gang symbol. And usually alongside, the rival symbol pops up... and the war is ignited. Soon, the whole neighbourhood is sprawling with spray-painted structures. And many punks and wannabes usually make their own "symbol" and wisecrack sayings, and they make an unholy appearance too. And other curious souls too try their hand at spraypainting, with a "_____ was here", or a "____ rules" or something like that. Before you realise, there is a whole lot of graffiti everywhere.

The walls and structures inside of a University are no exception too, as this picture suggests. Actually, this mini-racist war here is quite hilarious as you can see for yourself! And my take on graffiti? It better not be on my property!

(Click on the picture to view the "graffiti" more clearly!)

EUPHORIC INDIA

2007-09-27T15:49:00.000-03:00

Good times are back!

I don't recall India being so happy and content as it is now. The events over the past few days have certainly made it so. First, the great fall of the greenback. The US dollar continued its downward spiral and Indian businesses are booming. The BSE sensex shot up from 16000 to 17000 points in no time, thanks to frenzied buying of shares. And why won't they? Indian investors see this as a prime time to strike gold.

And then the religious fervor. Ganesh Chaturti was celebrated, and I needn't say anything more. "Ganapati Bappa Morya" was the cry echoed from Ambala to Trivandrum, and the festive atmosphere with huge Ganesh idols being immersed in waters all over, is quite a spectacle to behold. And when Ganesh Chaturti gets over, it means another biggie, the NAVARATRI, is not far behind. Navaratri is the biggest continuous festive occasion in India, with Dusshara, Durga Pooja, Ram Navami etc. all come to transform the whole country into a frenzy of celebrations. Its time to feel euphoric.

And then, of course... Dhoni's brave team. When it comes to sports, what more pleasure can an Indian fan have when it beats arch rivals Pakistan, in a game of cricket (cricket... need I say more?), and that too in the finals of a world cup? As we all know, the streets of India erupted into a massive partying spree after the close victory. Throughout the tournament, the players showed intensity, passion and also a mood for partying and enthusiasm... and it spilled over into the Indian junta as well. The reception received by Team India when it came to Bombay is itself a testimony to that fact. I have never seen anything quite like that happening in India, when sportsmen were received like all conquering heroes!

Fairly recently, India also won the Asian men's hockey championship in Madras. CHAK DE INDIA seems to have revitalized Indian sports!

THe monsoons are a great time in India in any case... The sweltering heat of the summer has been replaced by a cool refreshing moist climate: the whole country is fresh and spirited after a mighty spell of rains. Kharif crops are predicted to show a great output this season following the rains, another good news for the crores of agricultural families in India. India is truly shining!

The happiness levels of the average Indian is definitely boosted this season due to the aforementioned reasons, and also many other factors... Like I said earlier, good times are here again.

FEAR FACTOR

2007-09-13T13:38:00.001-03:00

I was just watching the brilliantly made movie THE GRUDGE (all alone, and in the night with a thundering sound system), and I wondered what causes fear. Horror movies have come a long way. From the sickle weilding PSYCHO to the latest Japanese-inspired horror flicks (like THE RING), horror movies have experimented with the gruesome and grotesque, the palest faces, blood/gore and snuff kind of movies, zombies, audio effects, chilling story line, the supernatural, aliens, religious- good and evil, and what not.

What are the chances that you would get frightened with those themes? I mean, people say THE GRUDGE is very scary. Some 30 years back, people were giving away "rewards" for watching movies like EXORCIST alone in the night in a movie theater. Movies like BEETLEJUICE, THE FLY were "horrifying" when it was released. But times have changed since then and today some movies only make us flinch from all the blood and gore- but are we REALLY SCARED? Possibly. Possibly not. People have different acceptance levels of fear- or in other words, different people are scared of different things.

Here's a list of things of what actually gives us fear!

1. Horrifying faces

2. Blood and gore

3. Eerie sounds

4. Mystery, magic and supernatural occurances

5. Devil/ghost and related fear

6. Surprise element combined with (1-5) above

In many cases, fear is instilled by a surprise element- that is not to say that other things don't scare you. But since fear is subjective, it is difficult to exactly comprehend what scares us. Some people will be shitting bricks when they are "caught" doing something they are not supposed to do... some people will lose a year's growth when they are confronted by horrifying elements (like 1-6 above); while some other will not sleep if it is completely dark. So, being subjective horror and fear is difficult to judge, but general consensus is that 1-6 are good reasons for fear.

Fear could be just with regards to something- like the number 13, for instance. Some people are fearful of rollercoasters- fear of heights? or drops? Fear of the sky falling on your head tomorrow? Just google for "phobias" and you will find a list of them- some of them utterly incredible.

So, the reason for fear could never be objectively quantified- so in a sense, we could say fear is the only thing we should be afraid of!

OF PAN PARAG & SPELLINGS

2007-08-31T18:28:00.000-03:00

Recently there was a big hue and cry about fake products being sold in the market, especially COLGATE toothpaste, in the US. And the ways to "identify" a fake product usually involved tampered packaging, and spelling errors.

I always wondered how spelling errors could creep in, even with fake products. I mean, are the fakers really so stupid to make it so obvious? My sceptical view quickly changed when I myself spotted a tin of PAN PARAG. This product is indeed genuine, but unfortunately it has a few glaring errors in print. Pan Parag, a product well cherished since 1925 should take more steps to prevent embarrassing moments like the pictures show...

[There is no dot after www... duh!]

[This pack is not vacuum packed but it is supposed to be a "VACCUM PACK". "Flavours" is repetitive (especially after the comma following the first instance of the word). Grammar goes for a toss with this line: "Best before within 6 months from the date of packaging given the bottom"]

And this is an ISO:9001-2000 certified company... Nevertheless, I enjoyed the taste! Who really cares about such minutiae- only a blogger with nothing else to publish!

WHAT IS YOUR "AIDS" QUOTIENT ?

2007-08-23T14:19:00.000-03:00

INFORMATION IS WEALTH- so here is some information which you could use. And it could prove much more than wealth- in fact, information is health. Health is one thing which is indispensible to the human survival and nothing is more sacrilegeous than ignoring or being ignorant about a disease that is spreading leaps and bounds. Something like AIDS...

Before we go deep into it, lets us get some basic ideas. AIDS stands for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome; and it is caused by HIV (HIV - Human Immunodeficiency Virus). AIDS is the advanced stage of HIV, where the human immune system loses its power to resist outside attack completely- and death occurs.

By many propagandas and campaigns, knowledge about AIDS has been fairly well etched in the people's mind- however, they think they know... but they don't. For it has been noted a few times (in India) that the so called "AIDS-counsellors" themselves were falling short of knowledge about it... and you can forget about the general public. I was misconceived about it for a long time till recently. I discussed it with my friend, and asked some probing questions... only to realize that (to his dismay) he too was not fully aware of this epidemic. So I intend to dispense my knowledge to the world. Any corrections or criticisms are welcome.

The effects of AIDS are unhealthy- and after struggling with ill health, one fine day life will be sniffed out. So, the important thing is how to prevent it. For every common statement of propaganda, I have a counter argument- not to prove that the campaign is giving false info, but it is flawed in that it is not the COMPLETE information.

Check out these questions:

1. AIDS mostly comes from sharing blood- I have given blood and I know people who have received blood, and we don't have AIDS or HIV. Why so?

2. AIDS spreads from intravenous drug abuse and generally by taking drugs- Oho, the place where I live, drug abuse is fairly common; yet few or none have HIV.

3. AIDS comes from sharing needles- Well, I have been given many injection shots with a needle which was NOT a disposable one (meaning it was used before with someone else). Why am I still not having HIV? Does it mean that sterilizing a needle could solve this problem?

4. AIDS comes from "unsafe" sexual intercourse- So, define "safe" sexual intercourse.

4.1. OK, Always use a condom- If so, how can the population grow? I mean, all childbirths are to be prevented then. Since childbirth happens almost every second, it is not justified to say "condoms prevent AIDS". So the whole issue of "sexual contact" is flawed in this propaganda. If we are led to believe that "condoms prevent AIDS", nothing is as flawed as this as it leads people to believe that sex without condom is a sure shot way of killing yourself; and forget about having children.

5. AIDS comes from oral/anal intercourse- still people are alive and healthy inspite of practicing "unsafe" habits. Why so?

6. AIDS is transmitted by childbirth- Well, it is valid only if the mother has it. So, this notion is accepted without any doubts.

7. AIDS is transmitted by homosexual contact- Another "unsafe" means, but still people are alive without any health defects. Why?

8. Kissing with cuts and bruises in the mouth- Ooh.. this leads to believe that ANY contact of other person's blood is suicidal. What about the first aid people who deal with blood all the time? And nurses and doctors? What about the people who suck blood from a snake bite?

9. Be faithful to your partner; it prevents AIDS- No doubt this is a good moral statement, but still it doesn't fully explain things. I know many healthy boys and girls who have had many partners (by the way, partners means "sexual partners"), and none of them have HIV...

AIDS campaign are many and varied, and since sex is such a taboo subject in many communities, the correct information is not passed on. The statements in YELLOW are the campaign statements, and only this information is released to the public. The questions posed at each statement could raise the authenticity of the campaigns. But the flaw lies in NOT giving the COMPLETE information.

Here's something which could clear things up.

(I). AIDS is only SPREAD from one person to another, and does not originate from within a person.

(II). This means, if two people are HIV negative (no HIV, no AIDS) then even indulging in the most bizarre acts of affection or sex would not make them HIV+. Meaning, unprotected sex, sex without condoms, oral/anal intercourse, etc. would not cause them AIDS. And of course, childbirth is an occasion of joy, and not grief.

(III). HIV is transmitted by unsterilized needles with a blood stain WHICH HAS HIV. And never otherwise.

(IV). Blood transfusion by sharing HIV infected blood is the cause for spreading, and not otherwise.

(V). All the above mentioned campaign statements are valid only if ONE of the individuals involved has HIV/AIDS, and NOT otherwise.

So, this leads to one thing: if you are already pure, and the statements above(points 1-9) involve you and a person who is also pure... you are at zero risk. So how did AIDS originally come into existence? Nobody knows the exact answer, but there are a few theories put forward. Chief among them is the grafting of testicles of chimpanzee to humans; butchering and eating infected animals; and bestiality. Simian Immunodeficiency Virus (SIV) was found to exist among some animals, and it is generally accepted that humans got the HIV from SIV, by some form of contact with the infected animals; mostly sexual or by eating them. Well readers, now that you have some "MORE" idea of AIDS, go back to points 1-9 above and read them again. Then you would have been effectively educated by the AIDS campaign.

So, AIDS is a killer disease which has no cure till date, but anti-AIDS campaign should be better directed. The information though not false, seems limited- it opens up assumptions and ill-conceived theories like this: (the most absurd one I've heard) Sex with a pure virgin/animal could cure AIDS. Awareness has to be more accurate.

Like my blog says, INFORMATION IS WEALTH.. er, HEALTH.

SWEET TASTE OF VICTORY

2007-08-14T16:58:00.000-03:00

Ah, now I realize how the Aussies felt while posing for all those photographs after ruthlessly winning all tournaments. Here's a picture of our team, after whooping New Brunswick's ass! The taste of victory is really sweet- especially the post match celebrations!

The victorious team: Hassan, Daksh, Shailendra, Amit, Anirudh, Shreyas, Vishal, Tushar, Taher, Naveed and Ganesh; from right to left. (click for a better resolution)

Looking forward to another opportunity to pose like this.. hopefully, there will be more pics like these in the matches in August and September.

SHRIKANTH and TWO POSSIBILITIES

2007-08-02T14:39:00.000-03:00

My dear friend, Shrikanth, aspires to become a musician/singer. He has many accolades to his name and he runs his own little world of blogging here. He was my schoolmate in my 11th and 12th standard, and could break into a melodious crescendo at the drop of a hat. A few of his musical masterpieces are seen in his blog. Music apart, he had (and still has) a keen sense of wit. In fact, he composed a "joke" during our school days, and enacted this in front of the whole class one day with the help of another person. The whole class burst into laughter uncontrollably for minutes together! Some were hysterical, and were baying for his blood...

Here's the great "joke", which he claims, is his copyright. Nothing spectacular with this one, but it was quite funny with his facial expressions and when acted upon in real life in front of a crowd.

One of my friend (F1) wanted to join in the Army. One fine day he was discussing with his another friend (F2) about his idea of joining the army.

F1 : hey, I have planned to join the army.. Why don't you ?

F2: I do not want to..

F1: But why ?

F2 : I do not want...thats it...No specific reason..

F1 : No, I would like know for sure, why don't you want to join the army... tell me one good F^&$%^ng reason..dude.. I am not gonna let you go until you substantiate your stand.

F2: See, If I have to join the army there are 2 possibilities. I may apply or may not apply for the job... if I do not then no problem..but if I apply then there are 2 possibilities

The militiary officials may see it or may not..If they do not then no problem but if they check my profile then there are 2 possibilities

They may or may not call me for the interview. If they do not then no problem but if they do then there are 2 possibilities

I may attend or may not attend the interview. If I do not then no problem but If I attend then there are 2 possibilities

They may or may not ask me questions. If they do not then no problem but if they then there are 2 possibilities

I may or may not answer their questions. If I do not no problem but if I do then there are 2 possibilities

They may or may not select me. If they do not then no problem if they do then there are 2 possibilities

I may or may not join the army. If I do not then no problem but If I join then there are 2 possibilities

There may be or may not be chances of war. If there is no chance then no problem but if there is a chance then there are 2 possibilities

I may or may not be put in the front to lead the army. If I am not then no problem but If I am then there are 2 possibilities

I may or may not be shot. If I am not then no problem. If I am then there are 2 possibilities

I may be buried or burnt. If I am burnt then no problem but if I am burried then there are 2 possibilities

A plant may grow on my grave yard or may not. If it doesn't then no problem but if does then there are 2 possibilities

It may be a paper plant or may not be. If not then no problem if yes then there are 2 possibilities

It may grow or may not grow as a tree. If it does not then no problem but if it does then there are 2 possibilities

Tree may be or may not be used for making paper. If not then no problem if yes then then there are 2 possibilities

They may make a news paper or a tissue paper out of it. If a newspaper then no problem but if a tissue paper then there are 2 possibilities

I may be used in the toilet or may not be used. If not then no problem.. but if used then I may be wasted then

I don't want to be wasted ...So I do not want to join the army..

Congratulations, if you have come this far... you have successfully finished enduring the famous "wit" of Shrikanth! Really, he is a charming and a nice person...

Now, he might become a great musician or not. If he does then no problem. But if he doesn't, there are two possibilities... (you figure out what)

VIKRAM & BETAAL

2007-07-22T00:46:00.000-03:00

"Dark was the night and weird the atmosphere. It rained from time to time. Gusts of wind shook the nearby forest. Between thunderclaps and the moaning of jackals could be heard the eerie laughter of spirits. But King Vikramaditya swerved not. He climbed the ancient tree once again and brought the corpse down. However, as soon as he began crossing the desolate cremation ground, with the corpse lying on his shoulder, the vampire that possessed the corpse began narrating yet another story..."

The enchanting stories of Vikram and Betaal written by Mahakavi Somadev Bhatt some 2500 years ago, has an interesting beginning to it. A rustic began giving fruits to King Vikramaditya on a daily basis. The king stored the fruits, only to find one day that all those fruits had disintegrated into pearls and other riches. On questioning the rustic, the mendicant was surprised too. The beggar requested the king's help for doing something and he asked him to come to the cremation ground on the 14th night after the dark moon. Amid howls of jackals and other eerie noises, the rustic asked the king to bring the corpse lying upside down an ancient tree in the forest. The corpse was possessed, and it sprang back upto the tree every time Vikram tried to bring it down. After 7 times, the betaal (vampire) clung itself to the king's back and started narrating a story.

The king had to answer the question posed by the betaal at the end of the story or else his head would be blown into smithereens! The wise king answered correctly, only to realise that the betaal had once again perched itself back on top of the tree. He brought it down, and it narrated another story... and this continued 24 times, and 24 times the betaal went back up the tree! On the 25th time however, the king was unable to answer... the betaal did not blow his head, but warned about the rustic who is waiting for the king to return- for he had plans to kill the king and take over the kingdom with his magic, for which he needs a corpse. The forewarned king escaped the bid on his life and got rid of the rustic.

He wanted the stories narrated by the betaal to get passed on to future generations for the truth and wisdom in them. Hence came the vikram and betaal series!

Vikram-Betaal stories were made hugely popular from the late 40s by a book called CHANDAMAMA. It was founded by Nagi Reddy and Chakrapani, both with great nationalistic feelings during the British Raj. They founded the book in telugu and in tamil (Ambulimama), kindling in young minds of Bharat, feelings of nationalism by telling them stories culled from India's legends, mythology, history and folklore. And the opening lines of every Vikram- Betaal story in Chandamama (many stories are fabricated of course, but still instilling wisdom and showing the right path), begins with "dark was the night and wierd the atmosphere..."

Chandamama has since come out in various languages like English, Kannada, Hindi, Marathi (Chandoba), Malayalam (Ambili Ammavan), Gujarathi, Oriya, Assamese, Hindi, Bengali, Sindhi and even Sanskrit. Now over 60 years old, it is still being published with the same refreshing quality of stories which had made it so popular all those years back.

And still, the betaal manages to give Vikram the slip!

VERTIGO, ANYONE ?

2007-07-11T13:55:00.000-03:00

Recently, 100 new words were added to the dictionary. Among them, GINORMOUS, BOLLYWOOD and SUDOKU. Now it is official- bollywood is no more a fancy term used by starry-eyed desi movie buffs. Sudoku is the popular number game, seen in many newspapers and magazines. Ginormous (what?) is gigantic + enormous. Well, never heard that before but the best example of GINORMOUS would be something that is catastrophically large in its kind. Just another adjective added to better explain how "big" something is...

Talking of which, take a look at this picture of a roller coaster at Cedar Point theme part in Ohio, USA. Top thrill dragster, is the tallest (420 ft) and the fastest (0-120 mph in 4 seconds) roller coaster in the world. The train zooms up at a blazing speed up the sky, twisting and turning. After reaching stratospherical heights, it arches and hurtles down, twisting and turning at the same blistering speed.

The pictures of course, do not do justice to the "ginormic" (another new word?) proportions of fear, thrill and excitement and vertigo this would cause. Americans have a preoccupation for anything that is out of the ordinary, huge, superlative, and of course, insane. Who ever thought of this idea surely had the word "GINORMOUS" in his mind.

STAR WORSHIP

2007-07-02T13:39:00.000-03:00

Apparently, Americans are not used to idolizing a superstar, star worship and other rituals that have become synonymous with Rajini movies. (North Indians, you too can know this fact). There are temples erected for film stars, so many gallons of milk are poured over astronomical cut-out of film stars, flowers are strewn, pumpkins and coconuts are broken, garlands are offered, aarthi is lighted in movie theaters.... and of course the regulars like throwing paper shreds, popcorn, whistle, dance etc. are unnecessary to point out. Like thousands others, I too have watched Rajini's latest hit SIVAJI. That it has broken all records in India and all over the world is quite well known- so I present to you a piece of paper which was given to every movie-goer here in the US.

This piece of paper was given to me and to everyone else who watched SIVAJI in Columbus, OH. Needless to say, I was quite amused to see the "instructions" for watching the movie. You could imagine how queer others (people not used to Rajini movie fanfare) might have felt on reading these instructions! The theater was jam packed and most of the people there were tamilians, but still there were a sizeable number of caucasian and other ethnic groups just curious to have a glimpse of the superstar. The instructions seems so queer, exotic and so out of the world for a movie goer in the west.

Click the picture for a better resolution. And yeah... "Do not light karpooram", in BOLD!

IN MURPHY WE TRUST

2007-06-13T14:20:00.000-03:00

Every heard of Murphy's laws? If not, go grab this book from your nearest bookstore. This is a humourous collection of laws, principles, rules, axioms, theorem, codicils, comments, precepts, and their corollaries on why things go wrong or how everything happens at the wrong place at the wrong time.

I have read them some 10 years back, and since then I haven't had a chance to go through them again till yesterday when I was rummaging my brother's stuff. And man, they were as funny as they were 10 years ago. Check out a few of my favourite ones:

CHEIT's lament- If you help a friend in need, he's sure to remember you- the next time he's in need.

ZADRA'S LAW OF BIOMECHANICS- The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to its reach.

MR. COLE'S axiom- The sum of the intelligence on the plantet is a constant; the population is growing.

SKOFF'S LAW- A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

H. L. MECKEN'S LAW- Those who can- do; those who cannot- teach; those who cannot teach- administrate.

BECKAP'S LAW- Beauty times brains equals a constant.

BELL'S THEOREM- When a body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

KE N'S LAW- A flying particle will always seek the nearest human eye.

PARDO'S FIRST POSTULATE- Anything good in life is either immoral, illegal or fattening.

ZYMURGY'S LAW OF VOLUNTEER LABOUR- People are always available for work in the past tense.

CAHN'S AXIOM- When all else fails, read the instruction manual.

O'TOOLE's COMMENT ON MURPHY'S LAWS- Murphy was an optimist.

There are 1000s of such crazy statements (laws!) on everyday life, on work, on personal relations, on business, on mechanics, etc. and you will have a reason to smile while you are still seething with rage at your futile efforts to fix the water pipe. This book explains the truth of man's existence: IF ANYTHING CAN GO WRONG, IT WILL.

Awesome stuff- just got reminded of this couple of days back when I was sitting on a plane on a runway, stuck for over 2 hrs.. grrr.. so I say, "In Murphy we trust!"